Belief In Self

circumstances just are but our feelings come from the thoughts that we think and from our feelings is where we take action and that leads to results and so if we can uncover some of these beliefs that are not serving us anymore then your world can truly become whatever you want it to be welcome to the thrive her podcast i'm your host amy sanders i'm a fitness and wellness pro mom stepmom second wife and master certified life coach i'm here to help you manage your mind so you can uncover the most potent version of yourself and create a thriving life you love hello hello welcome to another episode on the thrive her podcast i am excited to bring you this topic today which is belief in self and i have chosen this topic for multiple reasons but ultimately when it comes to achieving and becoming that higher version of yourself that more authentic version of yourself you are going to get hung up with any sort of beliefs that don't serve you that come in your way and so i have a few different stories i want to share with you today and then also i have like a bunch of questions that i'm going to ask you for you to think about and it might be that with this podcast episode you need to pause it you need to really ponder you might even write them down so that you can use them again because ultimately what i want is for you to take away an actionable plan on how to get rid of the sabotaging beliefs that are happening in your life that are keeping you from that life that you have envisioned for yourself but somehow it's not happening for you so that you know where to go and that you can keep going through this process i'm going to teach you today because you literally can you can take a certain belief and go through these questions i ask and get to the root of the problem create a new belief and start over with the next one so that is my hope i am going to ask you those questions here in a little bit but before that i wanted to share why i wanted to speak on this topic today and why i love this topic so much i love this topic because it is something that i have really wrestled with and struggled with within my own life and i've had to rise above the lack of belief that i had in myself and i wanted to give you a couple examples of things that i did to self-sabotage when i was younger because of my own lack of belief in self and so one there's a few that come to mind i'll share a couple but one that comes to mind is i loved to sing when i was younger and i've been when i was in elementary school i was in a choir and i was good enough to where they would give me leading roles within the choir so i would sing like a solo while the choir would sing behind me and my point is is that i had a decent voice and the choir director saw it she like she pulled me out of the crowd and would give me spotlights it was amazing however i self-sabotaged so fast forward a couple years later and i was so scared to try out for this acapella choir that all of my friends were trying out for that i didn't even try out because i was so scared that what if i get cut looking back i laugh at this because i don't know how many people they actually cut from this acapella choir like not very many and if a few years earlier my choir director was good enough like saw that i had an in me to do actual solos i would have been so scared to try out for this acapella choir like why was it that even just a couple years later i don't think i'm good enough to even try out for this choir so i didn't i did not try out and sadly all of my friends made it and they went on to seeing at disneyland they like traveled they had all of these life experiences that were amazing that i missed out on because of my own lack of belief in self and my fear of having someone come to me and say i don't know how to sing i don't know how to sing i don't know how to cut me or feeling like a failure another one that comes to mind is i never took sat i did not take either of those tests don't worry here in utah where i live they actually do the act and i signed up for it three times but i was so scared of graduating and i was so scared of like moving on in my life p. s i loved high school i had a blast we had the most amazing group of friends we had so much fun i did not want it to end but i did not want it to end because i was so scared i did not want to grow up i did not know what i was going to do i had no clue i felt like i was not very smart i had so many self-sabotaging beliefs that even though i was signed up i never even showed up to those tests three different times and if you've been tuning into this podcast for any time at all you know that i got married pretty young at the age of 22 i was married and even that is something that i self-betrayed on i was very sick to my stomach when i got proposed to i didn't feel like it was something that i should do i didn't want him to feel bad i didn't want my dad to be upset with me so i said yes to the biggest decision you'll ever make in your life because of people pleasing and poor self beliefs beliefs and self that were not serving me so i love this topic because i have had to do so much work and truthfully the work is never done i am still doing work on it i am not saying that i am perfect at this because i am not but i have overcome so many incredibly challenging life experiences that have shaped my belief in self to be something incredible i am so proud of the work that i have done i have so much belief in myself now that i want that for you i want you to understand that you can create whatever lifestyle whatever is on your heart it is not a dream it is a belief you can't let it be a dream and you can't let it be a is possible. And if it's on your heart, that's your soul telling you to do it. So by learning how to believe in myself and to become my own cheerleader and to have my own back, I have been able to recover from betrayal at the deepest levels.

I have also been able to create multiple successful businesses and create a dream lifestyle for myself that I never thought I could actually realize. I remember dreaming about it. I wanted to travel all the time. I wanted a nice house.

I wanted a pool. I wanted certain things, but I didn't know that it could actually happen for me. It has happened for me. And also I want that for you.

I have been able to overcome certain insecurities within my family system and being a stepmom, by the way, being a stepmom is not the easiest thing in the world. In fact, it's very difficult because society has done a very poor job about allowing women to come into children's lives with the name stepmom. But I have been able to not let that get me down and to be able to rise above. I've been able to learn how to love myself and move from a place of self-trust within my businesses, within my relationships, including the one with myself.

And so those are some of the reasons why I am so incredibly passionate about this. And really, as you know, I want to continue to do the work, to be an example, of what's possible for you and to show you the way and that you can. I love seeing women put themselves out there and do the scary thing and build that self-confidence. Women are so incredible, but we sell ourselves short.

And if we have certain histories, which I do, where we are taught and trained to fall in line and to adopt, certain roles, and this is just the way it is, we can end up discounting our worth, and we can give so much to other people at the expense of ourselves. And so what I want to have happen through this podcast and through my work is to show you the way forward, to show you and give you questions and thought processes that can help you in your life so that the different challenges that you're struggling with, you can, rise above it and you can move forward. With women specifically, I think women struggle with this way more than men, especially because of our past and just women's rights, et cetera. A lot of times we can lose ourselves in the meantime of helping everybody else around us become successful.

And I've been guilty of this too, where it's like, I'm building these businesses, I'm working on my coaching, but only after everyone else in my household is taken care of, right? And even at the point of recording right now, I am recording, it's almost seven o'clock on a weekday because I'm trying to fit this in where I can, but that's being a woman. It's like we wear so many hats and we have to learn how to put ourselves first. We have to learn that we do matter and it starts with that belief.

So by the way, I should clarify, I'm recording this a lot later than I usually do because of other things that I had happen to my schedule today. And I still wanted to get rid of that. So I'm recording this a lot later than I usually do because of other things that I had happen to my schedule today. And I still wanted to get rid of that.

So by the way, I should So here we are. Anyway, coming back to belief, a little bit of digression there, but coming back to belief, I want you to understand and to adopt the principle that in order to have the life you want, you have to believe that it's possible for you and nobody else is going to do this for you. It comes from yourself. So in order for you to have the life that you want, you have to believe that it's possible for you first.

And that belief comes from within. It does not come from outside sources. It does not come from validation. Sure, those things can feel good and they can help maybe give you a little bit of motivation, but that belief for self, for you to believe in yourself, it comes from you doing your own work and no one else can do your work for you.

And that is what is going to lead us into so many questions. So when it comes to beliefs, you have probably heard this because I know it's like all the rave right now, which is great. I love that people are getting very educated on beliefs and thoughts and all these different patterns that happen. But ultimately, a belief is something that you have taken on from a couple different ways, maybe all, maybe one.

But ultimately, it's a thought that you have thought over and over again to where it's possible for you to believe that it's possible for you to do your own work. It's now become a core belief. And usually, when it comes to certain core beliefs, we have adopted them from our culture, from society, maybe from our religion, from our caretakers, mom, dad, siblings, aunts, uncles, people that are in our life from the ages of zero to seven. So from zero to seven years old, you are picking up all sorts of different beliefs.

You're thinking different thoughts. You're listening to people and what their beliefs are. And they can put their beliefs onto you. And if you don't question those, which, I mean, if you're one years old or five years old or seven years old, you trust these people.

So it's not like you are going to question, is this something I truly believe, right? And so what happens is that we just kind of start working on autopilot with these core beliefs. Could be that I'm not worthy. I can't get a high-paying job.

Work is hard. It could be a series, like a bunch of questions. Making money is hard. Money is bad.

I mean, who knows what it is, but you can adopt these beliefs and hearing them over and over from other people or thinking them yourself, they start to feel very, very true. Now, the truth is, is there's been multiple studies done that we have about 60,000 thoughts a day. And if you're one of those that are thinkers, you probably have even more than that. But the majority of these thoughts are things that we just think automatically.

It's like on autopilot, our subconscious brain is going crazy. Thinking these thoughts, and we just decide because they've been served up to us on a platter that they're true. Most everything we think is on autopilot. And the majority of what we think, I think it's over 80% of these thoughts that are coming to us are lies, which also proves that a lot of the beliefs that you believe are also lies.

Here's the good news. The good news is that you get to reprogram your brain whenever you decide you're ready. The good news is that your brain can continually be rewired your entire life. It used to be that people believed that you can, you know, work with your brain and allow your brain to have like new neurons and stuff up until you're like mid, I don't know, mid forties, mid fifties.

It's been discovered that even up into your eighties and nineties, your brain can still change. It can still create new thoughts. It can create new beliefs. It create new neural pathways.

It is incredible. But it is up to us to do the work. So the good news is no matter where you are at in your life, you can make a change and you can decide to start to believe other things and think other thoughts. And according to the thought model, which I do coach a lot on is circumstances just are, but our feelings come from the thoughts that we think.

And from our feelings is where we take action and that leads to results. And so if we can uncover some of these beliefs that are not serving us anymore, then your world can truly become whatever you want it to be. I want you to imagine that you were an artist and this is your big landscape that you get to create whatever it is that you want, because it is true. It does not matter what's happened in your past.

You can decide to start today to believe something different for your life. And I promise you, I am walking living proof of that. I have been through so many ups and downs in my life and I have taken on the belief that I can, and that this is happening for me, not to me. So let's get into some of these questions.

And a lot of these are questions that I use with clients. And so as I ask them, I just want you to think about it. And what would be helpful is if you even thought about a certain situation that you're struggling with, a certain belief that you seem to be stuck on and see if you can become aware and start to think something differently. So when a client brings me a problem or something that they think is a problem, usually it's not actually a problem.

It's just how they're looking at it, right? I ask, why are you thinking that? I had a client come up to me recently and tell me that nobody likes them. I'm like, okay, why are you thinking that?

And then they told me a situation that, you know, they were at this, this game, they're watching this game. And this guy was kind of teasing him. Like he didn't matter. I'm like, okay, so why are you thinking that?

And he's like, well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't what are you making that mean? And what he made it mean is that people don't like him and that he cannot be taken seriously.

I was like, okay, so how is that showing up for you in your life? You know, so we, we dug a little bit deeper, but those are some of the questions. Like, so why are you thinking that? My mom is so annoying.

My partner never helps out. I mean, just whatever those thoughts are, why are you thinking that? What are you making it mean? And why aren't you taking action or what action are you taking?

So those are just some like thought provoking questions. You can think initially, but when it comes to uncovering beliefs, you're going to have to dig a little bit deeper. And this is the exercise piece of this podcast that I want to go through. So first of all, when you're uncovering beliefs, there's a series of questions that are going to be super, super helpful for you to discover what is really going on.

And I want you to think about this as like an onion, like you are peeling the layers of an onion away to get to the core root of the issue. And we get to the core, we get to decide at that point, what we want to think, what we want to start believing about ourself. And that is a beautiful thing. So uncovering these beliefs, the first question I want to ask you is what do you believe about your life?

Do you believe that it's good? Do you believe that people are out to get you? Do you believe that it's hard? Do you believe that you should be further along than you are?

Do you believe that nothing works out for you? Just think about that. Like, what are you doing? What are you doing?

What is it that you believe about your life? The next question is, what do you believe about yourself? Do you believe that you're worthy? Do you believe that you're lovable?

Do you believe that you can? Do you believe that you can't? Like, what is it that you actually believe about yourself? The next question, so all of these questions I'm asking right now are related to uncovering certain beliefs.

Okay. And it's very important that you just go through this process of these first six questions. The third one is, what are the lessons your parents taught you? And this one might take you a little bit of time because even in my life, I am still, I've been doing this work for quite a while now, and I still have things come up of lessons that my parents taught me, things that were good, and then also things that really did not serve me.

And, you know, into my adult life, I'm holding onto these certain beliefs that did not serve me. And so letting those go, like understanding that, yeah, okay, so they taught me this, but does this actually work for me now? And then the fourth one is, what are the lessons your parents taught you? Do I want to keep this in my life, this belief or whatever they have taught?

Number four is, what do you believe about your dreams coming true? I love this question because if you don't believe it can happen for you, you are right. But if you believe that it can happen for you, you are also right. I believe that, and I swear I say this all the time, probably on every podcast episode, but I believe that if you have some yearning in your heart, if there is some certain desire that is going on, it is because of your dreams.

And so I believe that if you have some yearning in your heart, because that dream is on your heart, it's in your soul, and it can be realized. Whatever dream is going on in your life or like in your brain, you can create in your life. But do you believe it's possible for you? What do you believe about your dreams coming true?

Number five, what do you believe about your ability to create what you want? This is also a pretty deep question because we're talking about ability. Do you believe that you have the ability to create what you want? Let me tell you this.

First of all, everyone does, in my opinion, but it might be that you do not believe you have the ability. The good news is that with work and with getting coached and with hiring a professional in maybe areas that you're not so good at, you can create that ability if you don't already have it. That is something that you could work on and realize. The last question is, why do you have the ability to create what you want?

Number five, what do you believe about the current results you have in your life? This one can be somewhat triggering because we cannot blame anyone else but ourselves. If we are adults, we are the ones that are creating our results in our life. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, that is a choice that you have made.

If you do not have any money in your bank account, that is a series of choices that you have also made instead of keeping money in the account or growing that account. If you have issues with people in your life that are still unfulfilled, that is a choice that you have made. If you have issues with people maybe unhealthy or you have unresolved fights or whatever, again, those are results that you have created in your life. Those are the six.

I'll go through them really quick. This is uncovering beliefs again. What do you believe about your life? What do you believe about yourself?

What are the lessons your parents taught you? What do you believe about your dreams coming true? What do you believe about your ability to create what you want? The last one is, why do you have the results that you have in your life?

Phase. Say that's phase one of uncovering beliefs. Phase two is shifting into, what do you want to believe? Number one is, what are the results you want in your life?

What is it that you want? Do you want to make X number of dollars? Do you want to have a beautiful, healthy partnership with your partner? Do you want to have more kids?

Whatever it is, what are the results that you actually want in your life? I love this question because it's results. It's not like, what do you want in your life? What are the actual results?

Do you have a list? And if you don't, now is the time. Now is the time to create a list. Number two is, what are the beliefs that have kept you from getting these results?

You're going to have to dig deep on this again. It is peeling the layers. There are beliefs that are keeping you from these results, but this gives you the opportunity to uncover those and say, what do I want to believe? What are the things that are keeping me from getting these results?

The third one is, what do you need to believe? To get the results you want. It might be that you need to make some massive changes in your life. It might be that you just need to get super honest with yourself and do some journaling about what you actually need to believe.

And then, well, that's the next thing we're going to talk about in a minute. I'm getting ahead of myself. And the last question is, why don't you believe this yet? What thoughts are getting in the way?

And remember that when it comes to the thought model, thoughts, circumstances just are, right? But thoughts are the driving force of your feelings, actions, and results. And so if you do not have the results in your life that you want, it is due to a thought pattern that is not serving you. We are going to slay those thought patterns and create new ones so you can realize this dream lifestyle of yours.

So moving into phase three, we're now moving into a mental rehearsal. The first one, first question is, think about the changes that you want to make and visualize yourself already. Having made them, what is different about you? And I like to look at this as like your future self.

So you are thinking about like, what is it like already having realized these dreams? You already have them. What is different about you? How are you showing up in your life?

How are you showing up for yourself? How are you showing up for your family? How are you showing up in your business? Are you someone that is creating or making really good decisions?

I would argue that you probably are. The second question is, how do you handle problems differently? If you are showing up in this space where you're getting the results that you want in your life and you're creating this dream life, how do you handle problems differently than how you're handling them now? Probably quicker, probably less mind drama, probably letting a lot go that doesn't serve you.

The third question is, how do you feel differently? If you're creating the results in your life, you're probably vibrating. You're probably feeling like you're vibrating at a much higher level, right? Number four is, how do you act differently?

I have this friend of mine that I have been friends with the last, I don't know, two or three years. And it has been so fun for me to watch her step into her power. She is a completely different human now than she was three years ago. And three years ago, she was awesome.

But she says, I act and feel always in accordance to my next level of growth. Like how I want to show up. I be her now. I embody the woman that I want to be.

And I decide now to be her. And that is something that I'm also practicing that she has really just inspired me to do. How do you show up differently for yourself, for others? It might be that you're, you know, you show up authentically.

You show up honestly. You show up on time. You respect people's time. You respect your own time.

How do you show up differently as you embody the results that you want in your life? Number six, we're almost through these, by the way. Number six is, when you imagine yourself practicing this part of your new life, what are you doing well? And what do you need to keep practicing?

If these results are happening for you, what are you doing well that is helping these results happen for you easily? The last question is, how will you know when it has clicked for you? How will you know when it has clicked for you? And that is a question that I think it will be different for every single person.

Because things are going to hit different. We all have different goals. We all have different dreams. We all have different life experiences.

We all have different journeys, right? So only you will know. But what is it and how will you know when things have clicked for you? So the last step in this, I think what it is, a four-step process is, you're going to be able to do it.

You're going to be able to do it. You're going to create a new thought brainstorm. So we have uncovered the thoughts that don't work. We have gone through a series of questions that you can really ask yourself to then start showing up differently for yourself.

But you're going to need to create new thoughts. And I have a few written down that I can present to you. But again, these new thoughts are going to be your own thoughts. The things that are on your heart, the dreams that you want to realize, everybody is different.

So this is going to look different for you. New thoughts to think could be making money is easy. Building my business is easy. I am enough.

Everything I need to learn for success is already inside of me. Everything happens for me. I am deeply loved. Whatever I look for, I will find.

I love myself. And those are a few. This list can be very long. But new thoughts to think, what I want you to do is when you get stuck, learn to then shift, become aware enough in that moment of, to then shift to think these thoughts, these new thoughts.

And it's helpful if you really just pick one or two in the beginning, right? You are learning to build a new muscle. You're learning to think differently. And so whatever is not serving you, to think something that does serve you is going to be really helpful.

And sometimes these thoughts are, there's a really big gap. Like if you think money is, making money is really hard right now, I'm using money a lot because it's an easy measure, right? It's like hard to measure happiness. It's hard to measure, certain feelings, but you can always measure money.

So if you think that making money is hard and now I'm saying, oh, create a new thought. And you're like, okay, making money is easy. And that does not actually align because you don't believe it at all. Then that's not going to serve you.

It might be that you need a bridge thought that I am learning to believe that making money is easy. I am learning to love myself. I am learning my own self-worth. I am learning the steps to become successful.

I am learning to love myself. It might be that you need a bridge thought. Another bridge thought might be, I am becoming a person who could be, I am becoming a person who is honest. I am becoming a person who is dependable.

I am becoming a person who gets what I want. I mean, whatever you want to put in there works. Another bridge thought is I'm open to believing. So if you have the thought, losing weight is hard.

And all of a sudden I'm like, say losing weight's easy. And that doesn't hit. You could say, I am open to believing that losing weight is hard. And all of a sudden I'm losing weight is easy for me.

I am open to believing this can happen for me. And so those are essentially the processes that help you learn how to build that belief in yourself as you go through this process. So I'm going to quickly run through it one more time. I will not ask all of those questions because there are quite a few questions, but phase one is uncovering those beliefs, asking yourself like, what do you actually believe?

What do you believe about your life? What do you believe about yourself? What do you believe about what your parents taught you? What do you believe about your dreams?

Those kinds of questions. And as you move from phase one, you're going to move into phase two, which is what do you want to believe? So you have these beliefs that have maybe been instilled in you since you were a young child. But now I'm saying you get to decide.

You get to say, hey, do I actually want to believe this anymore? What do you want to believe? What are the results you want in your life? What are the beliefs that are holding you back from actually realizing those results?

Why don't you believe this yet? Phase three is the mental rehearsal, where you are basically showing up in your future self now to help coach yourself through these hangups. So you are already handling problems differently. You are feeling different.

You are acting different. You are showing up different. This is you doing this mental rehearsal, which is building that muscle to show you that, yeah, you do have a choice. You do get to decide how you want to show up and what you want to believe.

The very last step, the very last phase is thinking new thoughts, doing a new thought brainstorm, and then deciding what thoughts you want to think. From there, as you think those thoughts over and over and over again, that's when they become beliefs. One more little point of good news before I say see you later is you can decide right now, today, that belief doesn't serve me. I'm done.

You don't have to take forever to then slay that belief. You can literally say, yep, nope, that doesn't work for me anymore. This does not feel good in my body. I am saying no to that belief.

I am done. It might take a little bit more time to create that new thought belief pattern and lean into that, but you can decide right now certain beliefs don't serve you and that you are done with them. And that is what I hope and wish for you, that you just let go of some of those beliefs that are not serving you so that you can move into complete self-trust and complete belief in self. Because when you show up in that power, your life is so much more beautiful.

It's so much more vibrant. It is so much more fulfilling. It is an incredible life. And that is ultimately what I want for you.

I want you to become that version of yourself that is thriving in your life. And if you have a business in your business too. That is what I have for you today, my friends. I hope that you have enjoyed this podcast.

Feel free to share it with anyone that you feel like might benefit from this. And I hope this was helpful for you. And I will see you at another episode. Take care.

Bye. Hey, if you enjoyed listening to this podcast, you've got to come check out my signature program, Thrive Her Academy. This is where we do real coaching and inner work transformation. I teach you how to...

Apply the strategies and mindset tools we talk about here on the podcast so you can create that life and business that you love. For more information, go to www. amysanders. co forward slash services.

Again, that is amysanders. co forward slash services.