The Identity Gap: Why Success Starts Feeling Heavy and What to Do About It

growth will reveal your misalignment through tolerance what are you allowing that once made sense but it no longer fits environments maybe it's that your boundaries are not good relationships that drain instead of stabilize you what relationships are you allowing in your life who do you hang around are they uplifting you are they pouring into your cup or are they taking from you what do you need to let go of and release in order to feel more abundant in your life and feel like you are more aligned you cannot push through misalignment it will not work the woman you're becoming she doesn't push through misalignment she responds to it you're listening to the unblocked woman the podcast for high achieving women who feel stuck but know they're meant for more i'm amy sanders coach author speaker and creator of the unlocked method this show is your permission slip and power portal each episode helps you see what's holding you back shift it at the root and rise into that self-led magnetic woman that your next level requires you're not stuck you're blocked and that's fixable let's get you unblocked welcome back to the unblocked woman podcast i'm your host amy sanders and today we are talking about when your growth outpaces your identity and what to do about it so if you are in a growth phase right now and things still heavier than they should right now this isn't failure it's a sign of your identity lag and today we're going to recalibrate that so let's dive in first and foremost what you're experiencing is not a motivation problem and it's also not a strategy issue it's a sign that your identity hasn't caught up with your growth and it's this moment this tension that you're feeling it shows up when you have already expanded you don't feel this way when you're stuck doing nothing you feel this way when the version of you that built the last chapter is not meant to lead the next chapter let me say that again you feel this tension you feel this heaviness because you cannot build the next chapter with the identity that you're currently building it doesn't work anymore that space between who you've been and who you're becoming it's an identity gap so today we're going to close it here's what most people misunderstand about growth your nervous system it is wired for what's familiar it's wired for what it knows how to keep you safe it's not wired for what's coming next and how this affects you is when you are expanding in life and even when your desires are bigger and your vision is clear and you know where you're going your identity still may be operating from an older calibration an older version and it's not that you're resisting the growth your identity is integrating slower but it's not that you're resisting the growth your identity is integrating slower than your results so you can want more wealth you can want more peace you can want deeper intimacy more visibility more ease you can want all of these things but if you're running on an identity your decisions are still carrying there's going to be hesitation there's going to be over responsibility there's going to be that self-monitoring that happens you might feel like you're in this sense of proving yourself to other people and to yourself you might feel like you're performing you'll feel friction not failure but friction this is why people burn out after success and it's also why effort stops working when you're trying so hard and you're putting in forth all the effort and all of a sudden you're like wait how come i'm not growing the way i used to grow and the effort is the same it's also why pushing harder can feel wrong just like every few years you need to upgrade your computer because it starts running slowly and it can't carry you to the next version of what you need to do this is the same thing when it comes to your identity you are not meant to outwork an outdated identity you're meant to upgrade it so today we have three questions that i'm going to ask you that'll help you close that gap. And I recommend writing these down and really sitting with them so that you can get the most out of this episode. These are not mindset questions. They are identity calibration points.

They're not meant to fix you. They're meant to realign you so things get to feel easier. So the very first question is, who am I being when I make decisions? Every decision is made from identity.

Identity is who you believe you are or who you have to be in order to be accepted. So it's when you're saying yes to things. It's also when you're saying no. It's when you hesitate.

It's when you over explain. So I want you to ask yourself, who is leading here? Is it the woman who built the last chapter or the woman who is building the next? Is it the woman who learned how to survive?

Or is it the woman who is learning to thrive? Is it the woman who performs competence? The woman who's trying to hold everything together? Or is it the woman you're becoming the one who trusts herself without negotiating it?

Your identity shapes your decisions and your decisions are what will shape your momentum moving forward. When your identity shifts, that effort drops and no longer feels heavier because you're more aligned. And that aligned behavior, doesn't feel like work. I want you to think about your life right now.

And when you have been totally stoked about something you were doing, you're totally excited. You're all in and how you just couldn't even turn off your brain or your motivation. Like you just had to get it done. You're hyped.

Have you ever felt like that? I know that I have. When I am creating programs for my community, and I love what I'm putting together, I can work for hours and hours and hours and hours on end. And it doesn't ever feel like work because I love what I'm doing.

I'm in that aligned behavior. It doesn't feel like work. It actually feels fun. It feels fun to like get out of me and to get it out into the world.

So when you feel aligned, you're not forcing new habits anymore. You're just normalizing a new standard. The next question I want you to ask yourself is what am I tolerating that no longer matches who I am? Growth will reveal your misalignment through tolerance, what you're actually allowing to happen.

And I want you to think about that. And I want you to think about what are you allowing that once made sense, but it no longer fits. So it might be that you're underpricing your value, you know that you're worth more, but you have that fear that if you raise your prices, no one is going to see your worth, and they're not going to pay it. So you underprice, or you even over deliver, it might be that emotionally, you're over giving, giving way too much of yourself in your relationships, in your business, in your church, it might be that you like chaotic events, environments.

So you continually choose to give, but you're not relationships that bring in a lot of chaos and stress. Because that feels familiar, even though you know, it is not healthy. Maybe it's that your boundaries are not good. I am the first to let you know that I have had major boundary issues that I have really had to work on over the years.

And they don't come easy. But it might be that with your boundary issues, you let people walk all over you or take advantage of you. Relationships that drain instead of stabilize you. What relationships are you allowing in your life?

Who do you hang around? Are they uplifting? Are they uplifting you? Are they pouring into your cup?

Or are they taking from you? When it comes to answering these questions, especially number two, I don't want you to think about it being harder. I want you to think about it being cleaner. When you answer that question, you're coming from a clean, energetic place that feels better.

What do you need to let go of and release in order to feel more abundant in your life and feel like you are more aligned, you cannot push through misalignment, it will not work. So and you're becoming she doesn't push through misalignment, she responds to it, she sees the misalignment and she makes the shift. I am not doing that anymore. That doesn't feel right to me, I am going to choose this road instead.

When it comes to becoming that woman, standards aren't rules. They're actually reflections of identity, meaning that you look at your standards. And you're saying this is who I am. Now.

I no longer have space for these other things. I no longer have space for relationships. That drained me. I no longer have space for boundaries that bleed or chaotic environments where I always feel worse after being in them.

I have set my standards and they're no higher. The most powerful upgrade is actually releasing what was never meant to be permanent. So question number three is what story has finished its job. We're all writing chapters of our own book.

We get to decide who we are. In the chapters, we get to decide what character we play. Every identity runs on that. And I think that's the key.

I think that's the key. I can'tony any more. I just can't Insurance a move on man is all the time. Anyways, so we could figure out what would be best for uncomfortable environments.'

m like on some sort of narrative, some sort of story that was once there just to protect you. It might have motivated you, it might have kept you going, it might have helped you be who you were at the time. But that story has expired. It might be something where you say I have to work harder than everybody else because things don't come easy to me.

Another one might be that I do better when I stay small. Because that's where I fit in. So you might be hanging around people that no longer meant to be in your life. I'm the strong one, I can do this.

I don't need help. One that I think a lot of women do is I'll rest later, I just need to push through this last deadline, or I just need to take care of my family. When my kids get older, then I'll spend time. However, if you keep repeating an old story, you'll keep recreating the same.

emotional pattern. That's when you start feeling like you're stuck. And it's not because you're attached to it. It's because identity seeks coherence and familiarity.

Identity wants to feel safe. And it does that from what it knows. So closing the gap starts when you decide this story has done its job, I no longer need it. And by the way, you can do it immediately.

It doesn't mean that you have to do all of this internal work. Sometimes that is all it takes. All it takes is you looking at the story and saying, this no longer fits. I am no longer going to let this have power over me and my life.

This story has done its job, it is done. Sometimes that's all you need to do. And you can release it. Other times, it takes maybe a little bit longer, but you can at least stop leading from it.

Because now you're aware. And when you're aware, you can feel a little more steady that things are shifting. So when it comes to this identity gap, I don't want you to think of it as a problem. I don't want you to think of it as a problem.

I want you to think of it as a transition. It's the moment when your internal authority is ready to catch up with your external expansion. So you fill that gap. I don't want you to force your way through it.

I want you to recalibrate getting really honest with yourself coming back into your own integrity, and letting that identity gap match the capacity capacity is how much you can actually hold. And when they both match, that's when magic happens. That's when clarity stabilizes. That's where your confidence anchors, momentum returns to you and that magnetism, it turns back on.

That's the work of the unblocked woman, by the way. That is when you're finally living in alignment, things get to feel easier, they get to feel more afloat. So in closing, I just want to say you don't need permission for your next identity. You need leadership from yourself, you are capable of leading yourself to your next level, you have everything that you need this podcast, all it is here for is to help you.

So I want you to recognize what you've outgrown, so that you can be and step cleanly into who you already know that you are inside. So if this lesson resonated, make sure that you share it with a woman that you trust a woman who wants this work as well. Because growth integrates faster when you have a friend to share it with. And remember that you're not starting over, you're not becoming a different person, all you are is upgrading.

And that version of you that's emerging, she is ready to lead you. I hope you loved it. I will see you next week with another episode. Bye.