What Is Hard?

What I want to bring to you is that, yeah, we all talk about hard. As this quote said, we do get to choose our hard. And hard is relative. It's relative because it's different for every single person.

And we all go through different things. My hard might not be your hard, and your hard might not be my hard, but we might still think it's hard, right? The word hard, it's like I don't even know how you actually define it because it's going to be different for different people. Welcome to the Thrive Her podcast.

I'm your host, Amy Sanders. I'm a fitness and wellness pro, mom, stepmom, second wife, and master certified life coach. I'm here to help you manage your mind so you can uncover the most potent version of yourself and create a thriving life you love. So welcome back to the podcast.

I'm so excited to have you here. And today we are talking about a topic that might be triggering for some. It might rock you to your core. It also might not.

I don't know. But it's been rattling around in my head. And I was like, you know what? I think I want to do a podcast on this.

And so hopefully what I have put together will make sense. My goal is to help you. Help you basically get out of a stuck place. And what we are talking about today is defining what is hard.

And there are multiple reasons why I've decided to talk on this topic today. First of all, just last week at the time of this recording, this will be published probably in a couple of weeks from now, but just last week I had the opportunity to talk to my husband about the Boston Marathon. And in preparation for that, as you know, we were getting ready to go. So many people told me I could never run a marathon.

Man, running is so hard. I even had a client that I was coaching who asked me, why do you run? I don't understand why you run. It just seems so hard.

And then going into this race, I felt like it was going to be hard to be there because I was going to be cheering him on on the sidelines, but I also am a marathon runner and I had qualified for the Boston Marathon for this year, but 11,000 runners got cut. And so as we were prepping to go to the marathon, I was like, I'm going to run. I'm going to run. And as we were on the flight and all the things, I had so many emotions coming up because I thought it was going to be hard to cheer him on once again.

He's done this before where I have been on the sidelines cheering him on. And if you're a runner or if you're into sports or something, and you're like watching someone do your sport of where you want to be, sometimes you're just like, ah, it's like emotionally hard. And so anyway, point is all of these words of hard were coming. Leading up, leading up to this marathon.

And then when we were at the marathon, first of all, the Boston Marathon is incredible. If you have not gone, you should go. The energy that is there is off the hook. It is so motivational.

It is so inspiring. And as I was on the sidelines waiting for my husband to come closer to the finish line so that I could film him, what I saw was so many runners. Bodies totally just shut down. And so they would collapse.

And we're talking like yards away from the marathon finish line. Like they have ran 26. 1 something miles. They have 26.

2 to go. So like maybe 0. 1 of a mile and their body is just done. Now, what was so inspiring is as I was watching this, I would see other runners go over to the person and pick them up.

And literally, I was like, oh, my God, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. And I just could literally carry them across the finish line. It was so incredible and motivating and inspiring and all of the things.

And it just warmed my heart that these people are doing something so hard and they're almost there, yet something gets in their way and they could possibly not finish so close to the finish line, yet someone else comes in and helps them finish. It was just very touching, very moving. And what I also discovered was that while I was there, thinking it was going to be very hard to not be running the marathon, even though I felt like I should have been able to, granted that I did qualify, it was not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. And so I don't know why, you know, this whole word hard has just been like showing up everywhere for me, but it has.

And as, you know, we get into this, you know, when like you're thinking about a certain topic and then you see it everywhere, right? It's just kind of how the brain works. I was listening to a podcast yesterday, also around hard. And then I saw this pop-up of Instagram show up around hard.

And I want to actually read that. So I don't even remember like who posted this. I think it just like showed up. It's not anyone that I actually follow, but it said, marriage is hard.

Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Losing weight is hard. Being fit is hard.

Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard.

Starting a business is hard. A nine to five is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy, but you do get to choose your hard.

And that kind of just like stuck with me as I've just been like seeing, you know, so many different situations where people can say that's hard. Running this marathon is so hard. Running my business. You know, I get taught or a lot of people talk to me about, man, I don't know how you do it.

Like running a business seems so hard with your kids and all the things, right? And what I want to bring to you is that, yeah, we all talk about hard. As this quote said, we do get to choose our hard and hard is relative. It's relative because it's different for every single person.

And we all go through different things. My hard might not be your hard and your hard might not be my hard, but we might still think it's hard, right? The word hard, it's like, I don't even know how you actually define it because it's going to be different for different people. Training for a marathon is hard.

Today I was, so I'm training again to qualify for Boston and today was a hill day. I had to do hill repeats going up this like blasted steep hill for two minutes before I could train. And I had to turn around and come back down. And I had to do that over and over nine times plus extra miles where I was warming up and cooling down.

And that felt very hard, right? But also what's hard is just missing being qualified for Boston or qualifying and then getting cut. That felt hard, right? Losing weight can also feel very hard where you feel like you are hungry all the time.

It can feel uncomfortable. It can feel like you don't really love doing the things, but being heavier could also feel very hard. Being in debt, having money that you have to pay out can feel hard and just very heavy, right? But so is being financially disciplined.

So we get to choose our heart. We get to decide, okay, yeah. So if both of these things are hard, which do I want? Which do I want to choose?

And the first of the quote, the first thing was like marriage is hard, but divorce is hard. And guess what? I've done both. I've gone through, I have been married twice.

I've also gone through a divorce. Yes, they're both hard. So you have to ask yourself, which one though is something that I want to choose? Your heart is dependent upon what you believe to be hard and what your experience is within it.

Right? Meaning? That being a mom can also feel very hard at times for some and other people thrive. For me, I like to wear multiple hats.

I have always been this way. I have always been wired to be doing multiple things. And I don't like, I can't not be this way. It's just how I am wired.

And so I would see like when I was young, mom, I would see other young moms who I hate where I hate saying that we're just a mom because that sounds like it's less than, and that is not how I intend it to be. But I mean, like that was their full-time job. They were a stay at home mom and thrived and loved it and felt so much fulfillment there. And it seemed like it was really easy for them emotionally, physically, all the things is like, man, you are gifted at doing this for me.

I loved being a young mom. I even love being a teenager mom more. It's more stressful, but I do love it. But being a young mom, if I didn't have something else, it felt so much harder for me.

It was hard for me to stay present with my kids. It was hard for me to like, what else am I going to do with these little kids? Like, I don't, I don't know. You know, like I just remember feeling like it wasn't a good mom because I didn't totally love it.

And I almost felt guilty that I wanted to do more. I wanted to also teach fitness classes and run bootcamp programs. And I also like owned this like a women empowerment slash race that I used to put on. Like I did all of these things alongside being a mom, because if I was only a mom, which I do not want to sound like I'm discounting it because I am not, that felt harder for me.

And every person is different, right? And so sometimes we look at it. We look at other people and what they're doing, and they seem to be doing it effortlessly and it's hard for you. And I'm telling you that that's okay.

But also when things get hard, we have to look at what we're saying is hard. Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes we're telling ourselves it's hard and that actually makes it harder. Sometimes it's because it's hard in the beginning because you're doing something new and it just takes a little bit of time to adjust and adapt.

And figure out how to do things. If you are just starting a business, that's a big learning curve and that can feel very, very hard. But if you are a serial entrepreneur and you have started multiple businesses, starting one more might not be that big of a deal. One thing that I do pride myself in is being an example of what's hard.

I love to show women that they can. I love to show women that you can be. You can do whatever is on your heart, and I try my best to be the biggest example of that. And so I do run multiple businesses.

I am a mom. I am a wife. I wear a lot of hats, but I also know that I choose it, right? But I also push my clients to get uncomfortable and do the hard things because when you do, you build character, you build grit, you build resilience, you build strength.

So many things come out of. But I want to ask you to question yourself and get curious as to what you are saying is hard and whether or not you actually can or cannot do it. Going into the marathon, I can't tell you how many people told me and or my husband, there's no way I could ever run a marathon that would be so hard. And in my head, I'm like, you absolutely can.

You choose not to. It might not be your bag and that's okay, but you could do it. All it is between you, like the only thing standing between you and the marathon is some training. Anyone can do that almost.

Sometimes there's health issues or different reasons where you couldn't, but if you're willing to put in the time you can. And so I want you to get curious what you are telling yourself is hard or not hard and start to. Really manage your mind. When you do something new, your brain will freak out.

That is guaranteed. It's going to tell you all of the reasons why you can't do it. And so that's where you just get a little bit gritty. And I actually have four C's for success in life.

And they actually build on each other on how you can manage hard, how you can look at your life and say, okay, yeah, I am choosing this hard. But actually it's good for me because dot, dot, dot, I'm choosing to stay married even though it's hard because of the fulfillment that comes with having a partner who loves me and I love him because of what we can build together versus alone because of the kids we have looking at what you're choosing to do, right? So the very first one of the four C's is commitment. When you are deciding to do something new, to get uncomfortable, to try something hard, you need to commit.

This could be like a new food plan. So making the commitment, I am going to eat this food plan and nothing else, no matter what I am committing to this, no matter what, and what I can guarantee you is that the brain is going to seize and you are going to freak out. I literally just said this, but this is normal because when you do something new, your brain is going to tell you all of the reasons why this will not work out for you because your brain is primitive, right? It's old school and it wants to keep you safe.

It wants to keep you feeling content and so it will keep you small and hidden. But that is not where you want to live. That is not where fulfillment comes. Fulfillment comes.

You want to push yourself past those limits that you aren't sure that you can do. In fact, I have this friend of mine and she's so sweet. She lives in Texas and I had no idea, you know, you put for me, I put content out there. I have no idea how it's received.

I have no idea how it touches people. I just have decided no matter what I'm going to show up and I'm going to post and I am going to commit. So commitment here. I'm going to commit to do these things.

I don't know whose ears my content lands on, what it does. Anyway, I got the sweetest text this week from a friend that said, Hey, you posted something about it was actually something about hard and getting uncomfortable. I don't remember exactly what I posted, but she said it gave me enough courage reading that post to sign up for a triathlon, a sprint distance triathlon. And when she told me this.

I mean, I just. I just got so excited for her. She's like, I have been wanting to do it forever, but I have been so scared because I've never done anything like that before in my life. So this was last week.

She just completed this triathlon two days ago, and I am so incredibly proud of her. She committed to the thing, even though it was hard, her brain did freak out and it freaked out up until she started the race and then it settled in. And. So.

What I want to tell you is when you commit, take on the belief that everything is figureoutable knowing that your brain's going to freak out. Your brain's going to try and keep you safe, but your brain is also not going to allow you to grow to your full potential. If you listen to it, if we are managing our minds, we understand that our thoughts are not always true. In fact, most of the time they are not.

And within my coaching programs, we do a lot of. Thought work, a ton of thought work on ourselves, what we believe to be true. And we work on that, right? But we take on the belief that everything is figureoutable.

If someone else has figured it out, so can you. And if it's on your heart, but it hasn't been figured out, then it probably still can be figured out because it's on your heart. So again, number one commitment, when you're trying something new, something hard, or you're trying to get even better. Just commit.

No matter what. Move through the discomfort of the brain sees move through all of that garbage that happens between your ears and take on the belief that everything is figureoutable. Number two is courage. So when you commit to something new or something hard, so many people might not think you can do it, including yourself.

But you've got to have the courage. And I'm a strong believer that if it is on your heart, if you have this dream, it can be realized. It's there for a reason. Your soul is talking to you saying, Hey, Hey, it's giving you these little nudges.

Like, Hey, guess what? I think we can do this. And so courage happens after you commit. Even though it's scary.

And the thing about courage is it doesn't actually feel good. A lot of times we look at courage, like, Oh, courage. It sounds really great and powerful. But it doesn't feel good.

It's not a great feeling. Even though it's supposed to be like a positive feeling. People look at courage like, Oh yeah, that's a positive feeling. But when you're in the trenches and you're doing something new or something hard, that courage, I don't know, it shakes you.

But you have to be strong and have courage to overcome the fear. I believe I can do this. I'm going to keep going. Whether that's in your marriage, learning how to communicate better, having the hard conversation, signing up for your first 5k or half marathon or marathon, picking up the weights in the gym, even though you've never done it before, walking into the gym.

And it feels really scary because you feel like everyone out there knows what they're doing and you don't. But I guarantee you other people in that gym feel the same way, having the courage to say the thing. There's nothing that's scary like putting boundaries in place. Fear will come up as you move forward with courage.

I have said this quote so many times and I will say it again. The cave you fear holds the treasure you seek. But when you decide to commit to something, no matter what, no matter what happens with your brain and you walk forward with courage and you anticipate all of the different obstacles that are going to come your way, you can manage your mind. Here's the truth.

Most people are unwilling to feel courage. And that is why they quit. You have to have the courage to keep going. Even in a business, did you know that even recording a podcast can be really scary?

And then the courage to like put yourself out there and be like, people are listening to this. Honestly, I still have to work on that. Like I don't like hearing my podcast later. I was like, okay, I just recorded this.

I just published this. I put this out to the world. I don't know that. I don't care for myself.

I am still developing courage within like recording podcasts and putting myself out there online. And guess what? I've recorded over a hundred podcasts. Why is this still a thing, but you have to keep going, right?

Most people are unwilling to feel courage because it doesn't feel good. So they quit. And what's really sad is sometimes they quit right at the brink of when things are going to work out for them because it just gets a little bit too scary at this doesn't feel good. They quit.

But what would happen if you just decided to look at all of the different obstacles that could possibly happen, use courage and keep pressing forward. What happens is the very next C word, which is capability. This is number three. So capability builds as you try and you keep failing, things will start to get easier.

So you've built some courage, which breeds capability. Okay. So as you keep going and you fell forward and you fell forward, I don't love the word fell because it can sound negative, but if you just keep going, things will start to get easier and things will start to move. And I want you to think about like a will, like a really big will with all the spokes as that will starts to go initially, it might be that you're like pushing that will uphill and you're trying really hard and things are like a little sticky.

They're not really moving. But once you get to the top, that will will start to go down hill at some point and it will gain momentum and it will get faster and faster and easier and easier. You're not pushing the will anymore. It's actually going all on its own.

And that's what happens as you keep trying and you keep going. And there are so many people out there that have done amazing things like Ford, right? How many times? Everything he did to like create Ford Motor Company.

I'm thinking of some other ones. There's there's tons. There's tons of different people you can turn to Thomas Edison with the light bulb. How many times did he fail before he figured it out?

Michael Jordan, how many times did he fail before he made a big, you have to keep going. And as you keep going, that capability muscle grows and it gets easier. And as you build capability, because you've kept going, confidence comes confidence in that hard thing comes initially. You're going to feel maybe a little bit of imposter syndrome, but that goes away.

When you start down a new path, you don't really have evidence that it can work out for you, right? But as you have been building these three C's on top of each other, confidence will come and you'll start to see that this is okay. And on the other side of all these things, things are beautiful. I look at some of the hardest things that I've gone through in my life and so many beautiful, amazing.

Flowers have bloomed because I did the hard thing. When I walked away from my first marriage, it took me a long time to let that marriage go. We were, um, our religion really frowned upon divorce. Uh, we had friends, we had family, we had all of these people that were like, no, you don't do this.

This isn't what we do. But deep inside, I knew that I couldn't stay in that marriage. It was not the path for me anymore. It was scary.

I had three little kids, the oldest being eight, the youngest being four when I left. But as hard as it was, I look back now and what has transpired for my whole family, not just my kids, not just me, but even my ex-husband and what's happened in his life because I decided to leave. My new husband, his kids, how many people have been affected for the better? As I made the really, really hard decision to walk away from something I knew was no longer serving me or even my ex-husband, to be honest, it was super hard.

I felt judged for a long time and guess what happened next? I was now a completely broke single mom. That was a completely different type of hard, but it was hard. Had to get really scrappy, figure out how to make ends meet, figure out how to, uh, parent three little kids going through a hard time.

I was like, okay, I'm done. I'm done. I'll just have to do it. I'm done.

That was hard. Remarrying was hard. Become a stepmom. Stepmothering is really hard.

And I'm telling you this because I'm hoping you can relate. You can look at your life. Yeah. Sometimes we're not even sure.

Like as something is feeling really hard and you're moving through what the outcome is going to be. But I will tell you this, as you move through and as you work on building these four C's, which again, I'll say is commitment, commit to the hard, commit to your decision, have courage that you will figure it out. As you have courage, you don't stop. So you build that capability.

And as you build that capability, you build that confidence. And the way you develop that confidence is going through the world knowing that you're better than the fear. Like you can move through the fear. Fear is just a feeling.

Just keep going until it works. And as you do this, amazing opportunities will pop up, will show up. My kids live the most amazing, incredible lifestyle, both at their dad's house and at my house, because we broke up. My kids have had experiences that they would never have had, had I not made that decision.

One of the hardest decisions, the hardest decision I made up to that point. Starting businesses also can be hard. We've talked a lot about hard. Now I want to turn it to you and say, look at your life.

Look at the things that you are telling yourself are hard. And guess what? I'm not saying they're not, but I'm saying, how can you look at them differently? Or how can you see them as blessings in your life?

And if it's at a point where life is hard, I'm not saying you're like, I don't really know where to go from here. Build those muscles of the four C's that we've been talking about. See how you can apply those through these challenging times. Building that confidence, failing forward, showing yourself what you are capable of.

In my life, I have built so much resiliency. And as I sit here today, recording this podcast, I respect the hell out of myself. I respect the hell out of myself. Like I used to not be able to say that.

I am so proud of some of the decisions I have made and the fact that I have kept going. If you've been tuning in for any length of time, you know that my life legit blew up last year. And I know I haven't gone into detail on the podcast of everything that has happened. And I may never, I don't know.

It's not the right time, but my life blew up. I had a step away from my business for a period of time, which killed me because things were going so beautifully in my business. That was hard. I'm now rebuilding the things that I'd already built, getting things going again, and it can feel like heavy lifting.

But I look back at what I just went through this last year and how it has sculpted me to be an even more potent coach. How it has sculpted me to be able to relate to people on a deeper level than I ever have been able to relate to them before. To be able to coach them deeper. To be able to show up in so many different capacities because I have felt the fills.

I have been there. I have done that. I have experienced that as well as also being trained as a professional in the life coaching industry. I am so proud of myself that I kept going.

There were times last year where I did not know if I could, being totally honest. And here I was a life mindset business coach. I pushed through. And blessings are following this year.

I am seeing things change. And I'm seeing it even in my clients. Things changing for them even faster than before I had gone through it. I had gone through because I can now coach more effectively.

Look at your life. Look at what you're thinking is hard and what you're thinking you may or may not be able to do. And ask yourself why. If it's on your heart and you're not doing it, ask yourself why.

What's holding you back? Do some mindset work around it. See what comes up. And then just take that step forward.

Commit. Commit to the process and see how beautiful it can become. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you feel like this moved you, please share.

Also, there is some exciting news. I'm going to be doing a little bit of a podcast. I'm waiting. Things coming.

I'm rolling out some new courses and new things. So stay tuned because I will also be talking about them on the podcast. But between now and then, good luck. I hope you have a fabulous day and go do the hard things.

The hard things build character. The hard things help you become that most potent version of yourself that you can be proud of, that you can just thrive knowing that you are the author of your own story and you're creating an amazing story. Take care. Bye.

Hey, if you enjoyed listening to this podcast, you've got to come check out my signature program, Thrive Her Academy. This is where we do real coaching and inner work transformation. I teach you how to apply the strategies and mindset tools we talk about here on the podcast so you can create that life and business that you love. For more information, go to www.

amysign. com. That's amysanders. co forward slash services.

Again, that is amysanders. co forward slash services.