My Trauma Journey

I ran three marathons and I learned that, yeah, Amy, you are so strong. And if your body is this strong, your mind is even stronger. And it's time to listen to your body, your heart, and your mind together. Welcome to the Thrive Her podcast.

I'm your host, Amy Sanders. I'm a fitness and wellness pro, mom, stepmom, second wife, and master certified life coach. I'm here to help you manage your mind so you can uncover the most potent version of yourself and create a thriving life you love. As well as just how the podcast has changed and pivoted.

And we're at another point where I am pivoting a lot in my business. And we're going to talk about all the things. So first and foremost, when I started this podcast, it was originally called Married 2. 0.

And the reason was because in my heart, I had a lot I wanted to talk about when it came to the ups and downs of blending. If you're new to the podcast, I'm going to talk about the ups and downs of blending. My husband and I are raising seven kids together. It's a second marriage.

And so we have his kids, her kids, and then also we have exes that are in the picture. And so it can be pretty messy. So it felt right at the time. And then all of a sudden, it was just over a year ago, I felt like it needed to change.

I felt like, you know what, this podcast has turned more into helping women thrive in their lives. And ultimately, when I am turning inward and asking myself what I want to do, and the type of work that I want to continually do and create, I love showing women how to stand in their power and how to learn what their strengths are and what their unique gifts are and show them how to thrive in their lives. Now, when I started this podcast, it was still the same. I have always had the biggest desire to show women what they're capable of.

I think women are just incredible beings. And we have a lot of gifts. We have gifts and talents that sometimes go untouched as we are serving everyone around us. And so I believe that as you step into your own power and you start to realize some of your dreams and you dream big, you have such an impact on the world.

You can do so much more in this world. And you have so much more capacity to do the things when you are being completely authentic to yourself and your mission. But a lot of times, we don't even know what that is, right? We're like, I'm a mom.

I take care of my kids. I'm a wife. You know, all the things. I'm a business owner, whatever it may be.

But sometimes we just get in our own way. And so ultimately, that is why I changed the name of the podcast just over a year ago, The Thrive Her Podcast, which I do love. And I'm going to continue with this brand. So right after I made the change, I felt just total inspiration to pivot and change the name.

And I was doing a lot of stuff within my business, creating different courses and things that were all around helping the woman thrive in her life. And my life, I felt like at the time, I felt like I was literally on top of the world. My business was growing, this business. And I also have multiple other businesses as well.

And so they're more stable. I don't have to put as much time into those. But this one in particular, I had just put my whole heart into it. And it was growing.

And I was living a pretty dreamy lifestyle, traveling and living in a beautiful home and had this amazing husband, you know. And so people would. And it took to me to coach them because they would see my life and want what I had, right? Well, in an instant, my life literally fell apart.

And it fell apart in a way that I did not ever see coming. It completely blindsided me. And it was rough. Now, I'm not going to go into the details about what happened because some of the people that were involved, I just want to just, I don't want to feel like I'm ever throwing anyone under the rug.

But in a moment, like in an instant, I was faced with the biggest trial I ever have had in my entire life. And at this point, I felt like I've been through a lot. I've had a sister die. You know, I've been through divorce and remarriage and a lot of different things in my life that I thought were really big trials.

And they were. But this one made everything else look small. And in an instant, I'm the coach who is coaching on, you know, being powerful and all of the different things and showing women what's possible. And I'm the coach who is coaching on, you know, being powerful and all of the different things and showing women what's possible.

And I am now in complete trauma mode. And I do thought work for a living. I teach people how to do thought work. And what I learned was trauma doesn't care about thought work.

The trauma brain is the trauma brain, and it needs to be healed. And it takes time. So within a couple weeks, I had lost over 20 pounds. I was having literally thousands of panic attacks every single day.

I couldn't focus. I couldn't focus on anything. And I still had clients that I was coaching. I was still, like, going through the motions of work, but not able to be there for my clients.

I was even still pushing the podcast, putting out episodes and all of the things. And I felt like, okay, you know what? If I believe in what I am teaching, then I also need to practice what I am teaching. And so I pressed pause.

I let contracts go. I stepped away. I did minimal things within my business. And it was heartbreaking because my heart was fully in it.

But I learned a lot about myself through the process. I had to dig deeper than I ever have. And I had to really put my big girl pants on, essentially, as well as learn how to give myself the kind of love and support that I needed as I went through this process. I had to just be okay with pressing pause.

Which is something that... But I've not done a lot of in my life. I'm always go, go, go, do, do, do, achieve, achieve, achieve. And my brain literally was like, nope.

And my heart was like, nope. Sorry, this is not what we're doing. And I had to start asking myself what I needed. Now, during this process, I did all of the things because I jump full feet in and try and, like, you know, push fast forward if I can.

So it was like, how quickly can I get through this traumatic event? And so I read all of the books. I even did ketamine. I was in therapy.

I did so many different things. I was sitting in UV, like, the red light therapy. I was meditating. I was literally doing anything and everything I could to heal.

But the problem is, is it was almost like I was forcing it. And I'm telling you the story that hopefully, one, you understand why there's been a hiatus. But two, that maybe you'll look at it differently. And I'm telling you the story that hopefully, one, you understand why there's been a hiatus.

In your own life and see what you're doing. Because what I realized was as I was, like, trying to fast forward my healing process, things got worse for me. It didn't work. It did not work.

I had to really move into a place of self-trust. And probably the biggest thing I learned this year, this past year, was about my own grit and my own strength. And that in order to heal and let go and be able to... forgive and be able to move forward and you know start this life because I was literally at a pivot point in my life because up into this point regardless of what I had learned and what I had taught and where I was within my family and everything else like this was a pivotal moment in my life where I had to make a choice but I didn't even know if that choice was going to be long term like if I would still make be in this space of the same choice down the road but I had to ask myself is this what feels good to me today and I'd have to take a moment pause and listen to my heart and if my heart said yes then I'm like okay this is what I will do today and it was that way for days and days and days and even months where I would have to just be okay with pressing pause really trust that I needed to take care of myself and that I was the best person to do it that was probably the second biggest lesson that I learned is that when you go through something traumatizing like that you do have to learn how to breathe deeper you do have to turn inward because what's natural and normal is you want to like reach out to all these people to try and comfort you and you want to reach out to all these people and tell them all the things but essentially that doesn't do anything that doesn't help you what helps you is that you move forward is taking care of yourself is turning inward and asking yourself what do I need today so as I went down this journey so many things have changed in my life I've had to be okay with things that I've never been okay with before one of which might sound funny but it was allowing my body to sleep initially I wasn't getting much sleep for the first few months and then after that it was like I was so deprived that I started sleeping more and truthfully I'm still doing that where if I wake up and I'm really tired in the morning I just go back to sleep and I learned that this is what my body needs and that it's okay and that there's times and places and your journey is going to be up and down regardless of what you want things happen but if you can lean into self-trust and self-love then you will be okay which is why it took me so long to even start jumping back into my business and being myself and being myself and being myself and being myself and being myself and being myself and being myself and being myself and being myself and being myself and being that example of what's possible for women is because I needed to go through my own growth in order to just stand tall with authenticity that I'm ready.

I'm ready to be that example again. To be honest, I felt like a victim for a long time. Like I was like, ah, I've learned to like stay out of victimhood and I'm right back. I'm right back to victimhood.

But I didn't like that energy and I had to lean on what do I like? What I like is to feel strong. I like to feel powerful. I like to feel like I'm vibing at a high, high vibe.

And so how do I do that? Self-trust and self-love as well as doing the things that I enjoy. And so I started doing more of the things that I enjoy. And I started doing the things that push me physically that I hadn't done in a long time, which was I took a marathon running again.

And so I ran three marathons this last year within four months of each other, which by the way, I don't recommend that they should be spaced out more. But I ran three marathons and I learned that, yeah, Amy, you are so strong. And if your body is this strong, your mind is even stronger. And it's time to listen to your body, your heart and your mind together.

The trauma mind or brain, it's going to have, it's traumatizing like memories, experience, whatever, like the trauma brain is real. But if you breathe through it and then step past it and listen to your heart, I found that it can give you a lot of peace. And so one thing that I have had to do over and over and over as I've gone down this road, and it's worked really well. Another thing I learned is that the person that is going to help me the most is myself.

I am the one that holds all of the answers. I am the one who lives in my body. I am the one that knows how I feel better than anybody else. I'm also the one who knows how to calm myself better than anybody else.

I learned that my soul, knows what's best for me, and that I had to let go of all of what everyone else was telling me. Now, as I went through this experience, and I'm telling you this because I'm hoping you can look in your own life and pick some nuggets that maybe will help you in your life. So as I went through this experience, I let some people into my life. I mean, they were in my life.

They were some of my closest, you know, friends and family, but I let them know what was going on. And I thought that by doing that, it would, they would be a support system to me. And honestly, they did the best they could with what they had. Like, so, so yes, they were a support system.

However, when you let people in to certain things that may be happening in your life, they have their own judgments. They have all of their, you know, their beliefs of what you should and should not do. And it can really help you. So I let them know what was going on.

And I thought that by doing that, the journey for you, depending on how much you let them in. And so I recommend that when you're going through different trials and different things, that when you let people in, they can comfort you, they can support you, but still, ultimately, you are going to be able to heal yourself better than anyone else. So use them as like a space, you know, where you can like talk, use them as places where you can get hugged, and love, but ultimately, let go of the noise of what everybody tells you. Because everyone is going to have their own opinions, everyone's going to have their own beliefs.

And that does not mean that they are going to be your beliefs, or what's best for you, because you are the person that's going to know what's best for you. Nobody else. I also had to let go of a lot of books. They were amazing books with a lot of advice.

And it was great. And I actually love all of the knowledge that I learned. I love the knowledge that I learned. And I learned a ton.

But I also had to look at the books and what I had read and what I had learned. And then listen to my heart as to what sounded like truth for me. And it has been pretty amazing at turning inward and seeing what has happened because my heart, like it's like, I feel like it speaks to me even more loudly and more like authentic than ever has. Like even as I'm recording this podcast, like I feel myself.

I feel myself. I feel my heart swelling. And so it's been really cool growth that way to like, listen and be like, yes, my heart loves what I'm saying right now, or no, this book that I read doesn't really align with the direction that I want to go. And so that's what I'm offering you is that as you learn and study and grow, take a moment to pause and turn inward and ask yourself, okay, is this truth for me?

Is this what my soul wants? I had to let go of what therapists would advise me to do, because they still are not me either. And they don't know the best thing for me. They could give me advice.

And of course they gave me like the best advice that they could. And I'm grateful for their perspectives and everything that I was able to talk about. But again, at the end of the day, I had to turn towards me and say, okay, what do I feel about this? And what I learned, I have already said here in this podcast, but I do have all of the answers.

I know what's best for my life. People are going to say, you should do this and you should do that. And that's not fair. And this person wronged you.

And I can't believe whatever, right? Everyone is going to say that, but what happened happened. And I know it's vague. So I'm not really telling you, but what happened happened.

I had a choice and I fell into victimhood and it felt worse. It felt way worse. And so I had to turn inwards towards my heart and I had to learn to strengthen my self-trust and self-love. And that if I had been given this trial, this challenge, this traumatic event, I could conquer it.

But in order to do so, I had to start practicing manifesting at a whole new level, a whole new level that I had never practiced it before. And if you've listened to other podcasts, you know, I'm obsessed with manifesting and I am so, so, so excited to share more things that I have learned on what works and what doesn't. Because I, I turned back into my old behaviors of the scarcity mindset and I felt even more stuck. And I realized that if I'm going to get out of this, if I am going to heal from this, if I am going to feel whole again, then I have to tap back into my abundance mindset.

And that is what feels best when you are living abundantly. And when you are looking at things from an abundance place, life isn't so bad, regardless of the trial, that are being thrown at you. And look, I know that everyone has different journeys and everyone is on different trajectories, but we do get to decide how we respond to our trials. We do get to decide how we move forward and what's best for us.

And what's best for you might not be what's best for your friend. And we are not to judge what's best for other people and decide or don't decide of whether, you know, I mean, you can, you can decide or, not decide if you're going to be friends with this person, but ultimately the best thing you can do is open your heart to love, love yourself, love the people that are in your story and move forward with love. That is what has healed me. That is what has grown me to be an even more potent version of myself.

And that passion that I have to be an example of what's possible for women is even stronger now than it was then. And I look at what I have achieved even in this past year. And I'm like, holy cow, I have done it. I am still healing, to be honest.

Like it's going to take me a little bit longer, but I feel so much stronger now than I did even pre this event that had happened. I feel even stronger that as we carry out this podcast, I'm so excited to help you women through your challenges, to be a guide for you and to show you that yes, you can do it. If I can do it, you can do it. If we can do it, you can do it.

We are amazing humans and we are meant to be heard. We are meant to be valued. We are meant to move forward in our lives with love and self-trust and connection and authenticity. All of those things that when we choose them, we feel better.

All of those things are going to bring us the real joy, the real happiness, the real fulfillment that we want in our lives. This podcast, I'm hoping, as we continually roll out more episodes, that it can be a safe place for women to come and listen and learn and apply certain concepts into your own lives so that you can continually create a thriving life. And look, life is always going to be up and down, right? We have talked about this before, but life is 50-50, meaning that we're going to have 50% emotions that we love, that feel great and experiences that we love, but we are also going to have 50% of experiences and emotions that don't really feel good.

This one rocked me on my butt. I really was like, whoa. It sideswiped me. I was completely taken down.

I felt like everything crumbled underneath me. But now looking at it, I see how strong of a person I really am. I see what I'm able to heal from. And I feel more unstoppable now than I ever have.

I feel more and I literally felt unstoppable before, but it's at a whole new level. We can do hard things. We can heal from whatever trauma is thrown at us. We can heal relationships that we never thought would be able to be healed.

We can grow to whole new versions of ourselves. And also through all of that growth, we then can be bigger examples of what's possible for other people. If I'm one dream, like probably the biggest dream that I can dream up at this point in time, it would be for all women to stand in their power, to let go of people pleasing, to let go of trauma that has crippled them in the past, to let go of fears and to be just that completely vulnerable, authentic version of you. Can you imagine what we would be able to create if we had complete abundance mindset and we found that we were able to do that?

I would be so grateful. I would be so focused solely on connecting to others through love. I believe we would completely change the world. We would be unstoppable.

And so if this can give you a little bit of confidence in your own life, that you're doing a good job and that you have all the tools within yourself to know what's best for you and that I sparked a little bit of fire, then I feel like my job is complete. Thank you for listening. I am so excited for where this podcast is going. I already have so many more ideas of different episodes and things that I am going to bring to you.

This one in particular was basically, this is where I've been. This is what's gone on. And this is a few things I've learned. And hopefully it will be somewhat of a resource for you to grow from.

But with that, take care. I am so excited for what's to come. And I hope that you step into that more potent version of yourself and start thriving in your life. Take care.

Bye-bye. Hey, if you enjoyed listening to this podcast, then you've got to come check out my signature program at Thrive Camp. This is where we do real coaching and inner work transformation. I teach you how to apply the strategies and mindset tools we talk about here on the podcast so you can unlock your true potential and create the life you love.

For more info, go to amysanders. co forward slash thrive-camp. Again, that's amysanders. co forward slash thrive-camp.

Let's get to work and thrive together.