Living Life In Alignment & Healing From Complex PTSD

When I went through burnout, I was like, okay, I had to, you know, be present in my body. I have to feel whatever it is that I'm feeling right now, and this will pass. And it's true. When you actually sit down and you're present in your body, it's going to be really uncomfortable.

But a few minutes later, it will pass. If you try to distract yourself with, I don't know, calling a friend, TV, or online shopping, or whatever it is, this will come back later. Welcome to the Thrive Her Podcast. I'm your host, Amy Sanders.

I'm a fitness and wellness pro, mom, stepmom, second wife, and master certified life coach. I'm here to help you manage your mind so you can uncover the most potent version of yourself and create a thriving life you love. Hello, hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Thrive Her Podcast.

I'm your coach and host, Amy Sanders. And today I have a special guest. Her name is Monica Martin. Monica is a soul therapist, and she's an alignment coach.

She lives in Switzerland, and she has gone through a series of events that led to complex PTSD. And she now coaches people on how to heal from it without medication. So often we turn to medication, and that can also be crippling in and of itself. So she has done a lot of her own work, and now she teaches other people how to do the same so that they can completely be in tune with their heart, mind, body, and soul.

I love this type of work, somatics, all of the things. It is so powerful, and I'm excited for all of you guys that are listening to learn more about just this work and Monica. So Monica, thank you so much for being on the podcast. I'm honored to have you here and learn from you.

So welcome, welcome. Hi, and thank you for having me. I'm very happy to be here. I'm happy to have you here too.

So tell me a little bit more about just your story and we'll dive into, I'm sure, more from there. Yeah, so I was born in France. I'm in the 80s, and my parents had a very chaotic relationship. There was domestic violence even before they had children, and then they had my sister, and then they had me and my younger sister.

But basically, I grew up in a very toxic and abusive environment. There was emotional abuse, physical abuse. There was also some sexual abuse, but that didn't, it wasn't from my parents, but it was kind of related to them in a way. And so like the emotional and physical abuse.

Lasted for about, I guess until, physical abuse until I was like maybe 14 years old. So from the moment I was very young to 14 years old, and emotional abuse until I left and I was like in my late teens. So I was a very anxious child, and I never felt safe. Yeah.

Like until like I'm 37 now and until about two years ago. I really didn't know what it was like to be a Pasadena. feel safe probably really strange for people even for me when I'm saying this but I didn't know what it felt like I was always on survival mode I was always kind of like you know watching my back yeah so I had a lot of anxiety you know like when I was a you know starting very young when I was about I don't know I think I always had anxiety when I was a teenager I started to have you know very bad panic attacks especially in the middle of the night I would just wake up and like in a panic and like my throat was really tight I felt like I couldn't breathe my heart was racing I was you know I was literally feeling like I was about to die and so that would happen you know all of a sudden and I had several physical symptoms like I had dizziness I had stomach aches I had headaches and you know I would go to my to my doctor and he would say oh you're too stressed and you know the moment I left my parents home I you know I thought that it was behind me and that I didn't have to look back I was like okay this is like this is not even like a new chapter of my life this is a new book I can start from scratch unfortunately what I didn't know at the time is that by doing that I made my healing journey way longer than it should have been and obviously you know like when I left I still had anxiety I was still dealing with panic attacks but I just didn't know why yeah which is crazy because I was so suppressing the things that had happened to me that on a conscious level I just couldn't understand you know I was like okay I love that place I don't understand why I'm still feeling this way and so a few years back like it was actually yeah in March 2020 so when we experienced the first lockdown in Europe I started to have like like really chronic pain like my body was aching like all over and I had chronic fatigue which meant that I could sleep 10 hours a night but I would still have to take a nap during the morning and during the afternoon I was unable to work sometimes I would have to be on sick leave because I just couldn't work and then things changed at work and we started to have like a toxic work environment and that was in the summer of 2020 summer 2021 I had a burnout like I just couldn't take it anymore like my body had been you know crying out for help for a very long time but I just didn't know because you know I had the symptoms but I just didn't know what it meant and summer 2021 it was too much with work and just my mind literally broke and I was like okay it's some healing work you know for a very long time I've been into self-development ever since I was a teenager and I was like why the hell am I going through burnout now I just didn't get it and then I started doing research and my burnout really helped me in a way that I had to you know I had to dig deep I just couldn't work on a surface level anymore and when I did my research then you know I'm I learned about trauma and I learned how you know abuse and neglect can you know is literally stored in the body and that it has to be healed and that this cannot be done on a like just because I had done like a lot of you know like killing energy and all that but it was just a band-aid basically like and when I had my burnout it was when I realized that I really had to work with my body working with the mind working on an energetic level or a spiritual level whatever it just wasn't working like the trauma that I had um and I think it's you know I think it's the same for everyone you know the trauma is stored in the nervous system you have to work with the nervous system you have to work with the body and you know I was an intuitive eater eater you know like I was very intuitive but I didn't have a real connection with myself or even with my body and so summer 2021 is when I really started to work with my body and allow myself to feel because I had so many suppressed emotions and all that were also stored in my body and were creating different kind of symptoms and I started to yeah just allow myself to feel and then I did like I did yoga or certification and and I also did a certification in somatic embodiment and regulation strategies so from the moment I had my burnout I really started to work with the body I understand my body and because my body is obviously different than any other bodies understand how it works how it speaks to me and how I can support it right okay can you tell us a little bit more and you're like okay my body was I had signs can you tell us a little bit more about what that looked like like yeah a lot of people don't understand that yeah your trauma is part of your nervous system you said that like your nervous system holds that trauma so how did you like what were some of your symptoms that were going on besides the fatigue like we're like this is not working so many like I had dizziness I had pain in the neck I had pain in the shoulders I had like digestive issues mostly I wouldn't and you know at some point I think I had IBS I think you call that IBS in the US yeah yes and I was like okay you know like I would and all of the sudden and you know like not nothing you know like nothing bad really healthy food but then I would just feel like bad crampings and I would have to go to the bathroom that happened quite often not anymore and I would have like different yeah and I just had insomnia I had really bad insomnia so there were yeah there were so many symptoms I wanted to ask you that because so often I think we get used to oh you know I just I struggle with sleep but we're not asking the why or what's going on like okay that's just part of my life yeah my shoulders it's not actually it's not it shouldn't be no totally but we just we start to accept it like oh yeah my shoulders are tight but I work out so that's why they're tight or like we'll make excuses when the body is actually trying to tell us like guess what things are not okay yes until I mean for you like you got to this like point where your body was like okay guess what I'm gonna break like everything's gonna come down and break down because I'm not okay yeah and that's when you're like okay fine I gotta figure this out and and you're so right because if I had taken the time and it's not that I didn't hear my body because I could obviously feel the symptoms but I was just so disconnected that I just couldn't that's a problem that is really like that's a problem that we have in a society nowadays is that we're completely disconnected from ourselves oh totally and we and because we are always told to push through to not listen to whatever we're feeling to not follow our intuition and it makes us completely disconnected from ourselves and I didn't know how to listen to my body because I had not been told and with all the trauma that I had gone through I just didn't want to be my body oh yeah I mean also like you think about your spirit your soul like you don't even want to live there just it's easier to disconnect right it's easier exactly and be like okay I'll I don't even a lot of times I don't even think people are aware they're just like yeah I'm fine I'm fine I have a headache I'll pop a pill I'm fine or you know they're not listening to these signs of the body saying guess what exactly exactly and you know I saw several doctors and they were all you know because I knew that this would not lead to me healing that it was just you know kind of like putting a band-aid on something and I really wanted to heal I really wanted to understand what was going on for me just taking a pill and I'm not saying that taking a pill is a bad thing because obviously you know there are cases there are times when people really need that to support themselves but just taking a pill just taking a drug is not going to help you heal it's going to help you cope with it but you have to go to the root cause issues of whatever you're experiencing so let's talk about that so how did you figure out your root cause like what took you to this point when your body was finally screaming you're like I gotta figure this out what was next so like I said I had my burnout and I started to you know do some research and that's when I learned about nervous system dysregulation and I had all the symptoms and I knew I had all the symptoms because obviously it was you know I could see that on my screen but also because whenever I went to the doctor whenever they did tests blood tests you know like any kind of test everything would turn out to be negative I didn't have anything on a medical level but I had all these symptoms you know and it was honestly it was like I felt like I was you know kind of like disabled because I couldn't just do things like other people and it's not and you know I just want to say something that is really important for me is that people who saw me outside would have never guessed what I was going through those kinds of symptoms what I what I was experiencing you know like chronic pain and chronic fatigue this is not something that you can see on someone's face you know and like cancer for example and so people have a hard time understanding that you're not feeling well because it doesn't show yeah it doesn't show so and you can also fake it very easily right walking yes exactly on the street smiling asking people how they're doing going to work doing the things but you just don't feel okay yeah so you said see PTSD complex post-traumatic like let's talk about what that is well that's when we went through several types of abuse in a long period of time and what is what does long period of time mean just for example me it was you know almost two decades when I went to see like when I had my burnout I went to see this I consulted a psychotherapist and she was a she was specializing trauma and why I told her about my childhood and she was like, oh yeah, I see, you know, like you have complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Cause I was telling her, you know, like all my symptoms, but also, you know, that I was not able to connect with people that I didn't really have any friends that I felt quite isolated.

And, and she was like, you know, like for people like you who have gone through what you've gone through, it's hard to connect with people and it's, and it's true. It's hard to trust. So that she's the one who gave me diagnosis. Okay.

When you got the diagnosis, so you were going to the doctor, everything's coming up negative. And then you got the diagnosis from her. How did you feel? I felt hurt, you know, like someone could tell me, you know, what I was going through, what I had.

And also she validated all the neglect and abuse that I went through as a child, because my parents would, you know, never, you know, for them, it was normal. It was normal behavior. And so they never took accountability for what happened. And I'm totally estranged from my biological family.

Anyways, but yeah, I felt heard and I felt like she validated my experience, which was important to me. And I think it's important for a lot of people when you go through abuse and your abusers do not take accountability for the things that they did. It can be really hard for some people. It's not that I expected them to do that, but strangely when she told me that, you know, like I have CP, I had CPGID because of what I was going through.

I felt some sort of relief. Well, yeah. You're like, okay. Yeah.

You felt heard. And really with that, I do want to add that if you guys have gone through trauma, which I feel like a lot of people have gone through trauma, if they've lived, you know, any sort of life. Doesn't have to be abuse. It can be just, you know, neglect and neglect doesn't have to be, you know, you were not fed every day.

It can be, maybe your parents didn't play with you when you wanted to play with them, you know, for a child, like a trauma can be very, you know, a simple thing because they do not understand the way we understand because of their brain. So yeah. I'm, I'm going to say that the majority of anyone that's listening to this has gone through some sort of trauma, right? Of course, everyone.

So we all go through this, but we do like learning how to heal it properly is everything. But if you're listening to her, it's like when you have gone through some trauma and say it was abuse, there is like a healing aspect when the person or the people who abused you do own it. But sometimes that doesn't happen for you. It might never happen for you.

And so it's coming to that place of peace and also understanding like, okay, there are people that are in place that can help me through this. Also, we're going to talk about somatics, which is something that's so powerful that you can do even by yourself. Yes. So just understand that the healing process, even though it's crucial for them to own it, if they never do, you can still heal.

You can still move forward. You can still, of course, get past it. And that is going to serve you so much better than staying in this like victim mentality. Exactly.

So let's talk about that. Let's talk about somatics and your journey, like how you were able to heal and what people can like learn and take away from your experiences. So like, especially because I was going through burnout. So it was everything, you know, like everything was coming out and I had burnout on top of that, but I had a therapist and I picked a therapist that, you know, that I felt comfortable with.

It's so important to talk. And I'm, I think honestly, for me, talk therapy only is really not enough. Like it's really not enough to heal, but it's very important that you have someone you can talk to about, you know, everything that comes up, someone who can, you know, be there for you when you need to process your emotions. So I would say that.

And then because I had learned about nervous system regulation, I wanted to, you know, like give some sort of relief to my nervous system. So I started acupuncture and treatments. So that really helped me, you know, to just, because, you know, I was really overwhelmed. Not only was I overwhelmed because I had burnout, but I had also like just two months prior to my burnout, I had reserved two puppies and they arrived two months later when I had just been, you know, I had just been going through burnout for a week.

And so on top of that, I had to take care of them and I was single. So, you know, it was everything at the same time. So really, you know, working with my nervous system was really important and having people to support my nervous system because I couldn't do it all on my own. At this point in my life, it was impossible.

So I did that. And then I also, you know, I, I actually connected with myself. I deepened my relationship with myself and my own body. I actually listened to my body's cues.

You know, when you need to eat, I ate what I needed to, you know, just, you know, go to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom when I was tired. I, you know, lie down. I literally listened to what my body wanted.

And, you know, when in the beginning I was feeling a lot of anxiety, I had a lot of anxiety in the very beginning. And when I had anxiety, I would just do nothing and just be with myself because before that I would try to fight anxiety as much as I could. I would distract my mind with other things. But when I went through burnout, I was like, okay, I had to, you know, be present in my body.

I have to feel whatever it is that I'm feeling right now. And this will pass. It's true. When you actually sit down and you're present in your body, it's going to be really uncomfortable.

But a few minutes later, it will pass. If you try to distract yourself with, I don't know, calling a friend, TV or online shopping or whatever it is, this will come back later. It's still going to be there. I always give the analogy of like, it's like, there's a lot of wind.

The wind is your emotion. So say it's anxiety. There's a ton of wind and the door wants to open like, cause the wind is blowing. We can push against that door to try and keep us shut.

Or we can just like open the door and let the wind hang out with us for a while. And then eventually that breeze is it's going to, it's going to die. It's going to go down, but either way, we're going to be okay. Also another reminder is like a lot of these emotions we have, we do have to heal.

We do have to work through them. Got to do our work. However, so often we fight it because we're scared of discomfort, you know? So it's like, let's stay comfortable.

Let's stay comfortable. But as we're trying to stay comfortable, we like stay in this discomfort of like, you're not, you're not peaceful. You're not being totally fulfilled because you're pushing everything back. Just like that door, like open it up, welcome it, process it.

And it will pass. Yeah. And I think that the, the emotion that people are scared of the most is anger. I had a client, she was terrified of anger to the point that when she was feeling, cause she has suppressed her anger.

So badly that when it would come up, she would feel so overwhelmed to the point that she, you know, was scared that she was going crazy or that she, you know, would do whatever, which she never did, but she was just so scared because she had not learned. And, you know, we've been told over and over again, that being angry is a bad, you know, is a bad thing. You know, it's only bad people get angry when actually anger is an emotion like any other emotions. And when you learn how to process it, you know, in a way, it's like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

But when you learn how to process it in a healthy way, it can be still empowering. So I just laughed because I've had to really, I've had to feel a lot of anger lately, which again, yeah. I'm like, oh gosh, why is this showing up? I mean, I know why it was showing up, but, but allowing it to, yeah, it's hard.

It goes against the grain of like, oh gosh, am I an angry person? Angry people are mean. Like all of that stuff comes up and think, no, no, no, no. I am not.

I am not my anger. Anger is an emotion. Yes. They're not your emotions, by the way.

They're just emotions. Of course. But processing it has felt really good and processing it can be a million different ways. So for my anger, there was, you know, there's lots of different ways you can process it for anger.

I was talking to my therapist and she's like, no, you actually do need to fill it. Like if you need to scream, scream, if you need to like hit something, hit something. And so I went, I went to like a bash place where you literally like you break things, you break glass, you break computer monitors. You break keyboards.

You literally just break things with like hammers and like sledgehammers axes, like whatever. And you say, and she's like, just say whatever you want to say during this session of whatever you're doing. I was like, okay. And I just like yelled and screamed and broke and like whatever.

And when I came away from that, it was only 20 minutes long. I felt so relieved because the anger came out of my body. Yes. And I allowed it to like, I welcomed it.

And I said all the things that I didn't want to say, but the good news is I didn't say them to the certain people. I was able just to say them in the room and they came out, you know? And it's so important because, you know, when I say that the trauma stays in the body, like a nervous system, it's the energy of the event that happened, you know, that you were not that maybe that you probably, and you know, when we have trauma, it's because we didn't have support after what happened. And this energy is stored in the body, like, you know, your anger, or maybe it can be sadness and you suppress this emotion.

It stays in the body. It stays stored in your nervous system. And at some point it will come out as maybe a physical symptom or an illness. Yeah.

So amazing. The way the body speaks to us, if we will listen. Yeah. We have to listen to our body.

It's so important. I also liked that. You just like, we're like, I ate when I was hungry. I would, you know, lay down if I was tired.

Like these are very easy things you can do. Yes. Listen to your body. And there are things we can start doing every single day.

Like right now, eat when you're hungry, lay down when you're tired. If you're feeling anxiety, ask why, feel it, process it, breathe through it. So what would you, how would you explain somatics to someone who doesn't know what it is? Honestly, I would put it in a very simple way.

It's about listening to your body and working with it, creating this connection, this relationship with your body. And I mean, you know, this is kind of like what I always say, you know, I'm a soul in this physical body. Like, this is kind of like, you have to create this relationship because it feels like we are two in a way, you know? Yeah.

When I think about that though, I am a soul in a physical body. I immediately want to take care of my physical body better so that my soul can live like more happily, more fulfilled and be the type of soul. Like, you know, people that are tuning into this podcast know that I'd love to be an example of what's possible and to show women that like, you can be a soul in a physical body. And I think that's really important.

And I think that's do have whatever it is that your heart desires, but your heart is also part of your body, part of your soul, your soul singing to you, you know, are you listening? So it's like my physical body is a place for my soul to thrive. If I pay attention, if I do the things to take care of my physical body so that my soul can flourish. Yeah.

And I really feel that for me, my physical body is like a temple, you know, I take care of it. And even, you know, like in my, like in my life, I pay attention to who I have a relationship with. I pay attention to what I eat, you know, not like I'm not control freak about it, but I want to nurture myself. Like I want to take care of myself and I want to nurture myself.

Yeah. That's how I've always like thought of my, my body too. It's like, it's a temple and only holy places can enter. Like if it's holy, if I'm looking at it like that, what am I going to do?

I so often someone's like, do you want this drink? I'm like, no, because I don't want to do that to my body. Yeah. And yeah, it's like, it's about what I want this body to be and do and be able to like live long.

Yeah. You know, I have a lot of gratitude for my body to, you know, to just still be living. And despite everything that I went through to not have a disease that, you know, I will, I've been able to heal myself. And just for that, I have a lot of gratitude to my body.

Yeah. Okay. So question for you. You went through basically two decades of trauma.

Yeah. You know, that's like 20 years. It's a long time. And then it took into your, like, you're in your thirties when you finally were like, no, this is a problem.

I gotta like figure this out. So you went down your healing journey. Now, how long did that healing process take before you felt like, okay, I am doing good. Honestly, it didn't take long.

I actually like, I hear my burnout. Like when I had like the right therapist, then, you know, I, I started to do shiatsu, akupon, and do my own work. Like I took about two months to heal from my burnout. And then I was able to find my purpose.

And that's what I went to coaching. And, you know, ever since I've just been, you know, doing what I have ever done since, you know, be like deep in my relationship with myself, deep in my relationship with my body. And, you know, we, obviously I totally believe that we manifest the life that we want for ourselves, but you know, life sometimes through things. Yes.

You know, sometimes we'll lose a friend, maybe someone dies or, you know, maybe we go through a breakup and those difficult events in life will happen, you know, no matter what it is, like we will have to deal with something. And I think the most important thing that I have learned throughout my journey is to keep calm throughout the store. So much easier said than done, right? Yes.

But it's a daily practice. You know, I don't go to the gym. Like I honestly hate the gym. And I mean, I am, you know, I don't go to the gym.

I don't go to the gym. I admire people who are so into working out. I don't, I love walking. I have three dogs, so I do walk a lot, but I am so disciplined when it comes to my wellbeing, like emotional wellbeing and mental state.

And yeah, I'm so disciplined. So, you know, it's now, obviously I do this on a, like, it's automatic. I don't have to think about it, but you know, it's like every day, you know, if I like, if for example, today I feel. I don't know, like I get a bad news or I feel anxious about an event that is coming up.

I'm going to sit down with myself and I'm going to process it. Yeah. I wanted to ask you that question. Like how long did it take just so that people who are listening understand that it doesn't have to take a really long time to heal from trauma.

If you're looking at sometimes I know that I've worked with clients. So like, well, I have all of this trauma. And so they think it's going to take forever to heal from this. Like if it took five years going through that, it's going to take five years, recovering.

I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Like if you're doing the work, you can get to a better place so much quicker than you realize you just have to do the work and understand what that work is and hire someone. If you don't know how to do it yourself, that's fine. There's coaches just like you that can help people get through this process.

And it's absolutely worth it to do the work so that you can be that better version of yourself on the other side. Of course, it doesn't have to be long. Obviously it's going to depend on, you know, everyone, because we all have our own, you know, abilities and our own capacity to heal faster or longer. It just really depends.

But I would say that for me, like the last part that I'm still healing is my nervous system. And it's not that I'm having crippling anxiety like I had, or I don't have any panic attacks anymore, but it's just that I still have to be mindful. I still have to work on that because it was obviously it was 20 years of trauma, but it was also after 15 years of chronic stress. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do this. And always living on survival mode. So this is something that I'm still working on, but like, I'm like, I'm doing like 95, probably even 99% better than I used to. So, you know, I'm totally able to make decisions in an empowered way.

I know what I want. I know where I'm going. I'm consistent. I know, you know, I'm doing the work and everything.

So, you know, I know my purpose in life and I know how to work with myself, which is actually I think the most important thing. Because I think it's good to do, you know, what you may be like a therapist or maybe like an acupuncturist or whatever. People will always tell you to do certain things, but it's important that you know what feels right to you and what works for you. Because now we're in a, I feel like, especially in the coaching industry, there's a lot of like cookie cutter solutions.

When it comes to this kind of work, cookie cutter is not going to work. You need to find what works for you. Yeah. All of us are different with the different experiences.

I love that. Yes. That example. Okay.

So what is one, before we wrap up, what is one nugget of wisdom you'd want to share with the audience before we leave? I would say, you know, we always want to, you know, to have friends or to find our soulmate. We always want to have a relationship with other people and, you know, we are human beings and I think it's great, but what we should also do is have this relationship with ourselves because everything starts with us. Everything starts with us.

I love it. Thank you so much for being on the podcast. So you also have something you're working on. You have a free challenge for people to reconnect with their true selves and to find their own happiness.

Can you tell us a little bit more about that? Yeah, I have been working on it. It will be about, you know, creating or dipping this relationship with yourself. Cause you know, some people have no relationship with themselves, but some have already, you know, some sort of relationship.

So it's about creating or dipping that relationship, bringing more joy into your life and manage. So it's going to be like a three-day challenge and yeah, we'll definitely promote it on my Instagram and my website. Okay. Which we also have in the show notes, by the way, guys.

So we have all of her information below. If you want to learn more about Monica, make sure that you check that out. And again, thank you so much for being on the podcast. I've loved having you and learning from you.

We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Hey, if you enjoyed listening to this podcast, then you've got to come check out my program at Thrive Camp. This is where we do real coaching and inner work transformation.

I teach you how to apply the strategies and mindset tools we talk about here on the podcast. So you can unlock your true potential and create the life you love. For more info, go to amysanders. co forward slash thrive dash camp.

Again, that's amysanders. co forward slash thrive dash camp. Let's get to work and thrive together. Bye.