Why Change Feels Hard Until This Identity Shift Happens

You don't become a different woman by learning more and doing more. You become her by unlocking what's already inside of you, by clearing out the patterns, the stories, the small daily compromises that are keeping you tethered to that version of yourself that you have already outgrown. An unblocked woman isn't someone who has figured everything out. She's someone who's stopped getting in her own way.

She tells the truth to herself first. She fills her own cup before she tries to fill everybody else's. She moves through the world with this quiet, rooted power that doesn't need validation to feel real. And the beautiful thing is you don't have to wait until you've arrived to start being her.

You can actually practice being her right now, today. Welcome to the Unblocked Woman Podcast. I'm Amy Sanders. For years, I believed the next level of my life and business would come from a better strategy, working harder, figuring out that perfect plan.

But eventually, I saw the real truth. The biggest ceiling in our lives is not strategy. It's identity. The patterns we don't see, the subtle ways we play small, the version of ourselves that we keep defaulting back to even when we know we're capable of more.

This podcast is where we bring those patterns into the light. We talk about identity, leadership, growth, and what it actually takes to become the woman who can truly hold the life and business she wants. No fluff, no performance, just honest conversation about stepping fully into your power. So go ahead and subscribe and follow the show.

And remember, the moment you see the pattern, you can finally break it. Hello and welcome back to the podcast. I'm so happy that you're here with me. Thanks for tuning in.

So what we're going to talk about today is something that I've been sitting with a while. And I think it's going to hit differently than you're used to hearing, especially in this personal development space. Because today, I am not going to talk about goals or finding the perfect strategy. I'm going to talk about who you are when nobody's watching and why that version of you is the only thing that's standing in the way between where you are right now and where you want to be.

So here's what I mean. Most women I work with have very clear pictures of who they're trying to become. The version of themselves that's confident, she's grounded, she's financially free, she's fully expressed, she's always in her power. They can see her and they can almost feel her like she's right there.

But there's this invisible wall between where they are now and where she lives. And no amount of hustle, no amount of strategy or vision boarding is going to break through it. That wall is the block. And it's not a knowledge problem.

If you're tuning into this podcast, then you have all of the knowledge, meaning that you love self-development. You love to learn. You love to grow. You love to be in the weeds growing.

So it's not a knowledge problem. What it is, though, is an identity problem. You don't become... a different woman by learning more and doing more.

You become her by unlocking what's already inside of you, by clearing out the patterns, the stories, the small daily compromises that are keeping you tethered to that version of yourself that you have already outgrown. An unblocked woman isn't someone who has figured everything out. She's someone who's stopped getting in her own way. She tells the truth to herself first.

She fills her own cup before she tries to fill everybody else's. She moves through the world with this quiet, rooted power that doesn't need validation to feel real. And the beautiful thing is you don't have to wait until you've arrived to start being her. You can actually practice being her.

You can actually practice being her right now, today. So in this show, we're going to be talking about how you show up, how you think, and how you treat yourself when nobody's looking and nobody's scorekeeping is exactly what's going to help you become that unblocked woman. That's what this episode is all about. So I'm going to give you 10 things you can do right now to start living as that woman the circumstances show up before you can check the boxes and say, Oh, I'm already her now.

Because here's the thing that most people won't tell you. The circumstances in your life don't create her. She creates them. Does that make sense?

Your circumstances don't create you. You are the one that creates them. So let's get into it. Let's talk about what unblocked actually means.

Before we get into the 10 things that I'm going to share with you today, I want to name what these blocks are because they're really sneaky. They sneak up on you and you don't always know that you are creating these blocks in your life. And they don't look like big dramatic walls that you're climbing. Most of the time, they look like normal life.

A block looks like saying yes to something that you really need to do. And that's what I'm meant to know too. And then you resent the person that you said yes to. It looks like dimming yourself in a room because you don't want to make someone else feel uncomfortable.

It looks like knowing exactly what you need to do, but you keep not doing it. And then you beat yourself up about it later. It looks like performing a version of yourself that's palatable to other people, or at least you think it is, instead of what's true. And every single time, you do this, every single one of these behaviors is the same root.

And that root is a belief that who you really are isn't safe enough, good enough, or acceptable enough to actually let out and be. That is the block. It's not the behavior, it's the belief underneath it. So when I say unblocked woman, I'm talking about a woman who's done the work of summoning those beliefs and she's choosing differently.

She's not perfectly choosing it and she's not perfect, but she is choosing it consistently. A woman who has decided that honesty, integrity, and self-dress, they are not luxuries. They are the foundation. They are the foundation of all of this work.

So let's dive into the 10. The first one is stop lying to yourself. About the small things. I'm starting with honesty because I think it's the backbone of everything else on this list.

And I'm not talking about big dramatic lies that you are creating or whatever. What I'm talking about is those little tiny ones that we tell ourselves every single day that slowly erode our self-trust. It's the things like, I'm fine. Say I'm fine when you're not actually fine.

When you say, oh, that doesn't bother me. When it absolutely doesn't bother me. It absolutely does bother you. Or, oh, I'll just start that on Monday.

When you know that Monday's going to come just like last Monday did and you didn't do the thing. Those micro lies seem harmless, but they are far from harmless. In fact, they are lethal because every single time you lie to yourself, even if they're teeny tiny little lies, every single time you do that, you're teaching yourself that your own word, doesn't mean anything. And a woman that can't trust her own word, can't trust herself to build the life that she wants.

So start small. When someone asks you how you are doing, tell them the truth. When someone bothers you, name it, even if it's only to yourself. You don't have to tell them.

Maybe you will, maybe you won't, but do name it. Honesty is not about being brutal or being mean. It's about being honest. It's about being real.

The unblocked woman, she tells the truth, even when it's inconvenient. Number two, match your actions to your words every single day. This is what integrity looks like in practice. And it's less glamorous than people think.

It's not some big moral stance. It's, did you do what you said you were going to do? You told yourself that you were going to work out this morning. Did you do what you said you were going to do?

Did you do what you do it? You said that you would stop checking your ex's social media. Did you stop? You told your kid you'd be off your phone at dinner.

Were you? Every single time you follow through on something you told yourself that you would do, you build a little deposit into your own self-trust account. But every single time you don't, you make a withdrawal. An unblocked woman has a full account.

She is standing in integrity. She is standing in truth and honesty. She's not perfect, but she's taking her own commitments seriously, especially the ones that no one else is seeing. Number three is stop pouring from an empty cup.

And calling it love. This month, this really might be the most important one for the women who are listening, who identify as givers, caretakers, the ones who are holding like everything together. I need you to hear this. Giving yourself away, that is not generosity.

It's actually self-abandonment in a nicer outfit. It looks pretty. You look nice. You look giving.

You look serving. You look all of these things. But you want to know what it actually looks like in your life? It's when you're saying yes to the committee.

You're doing the extra project. When a phone call comes in, you agree to that too. The friend who only calls when she needs something and you jump to help her, but maybe it's not ever reciprocated. Even when your own body is screaming like, I need rest.

I can't handle this. It's making sure that everyone in your house is fed. They're bathed. They're clothed.

They're in a good place. They're loved. They're attended to while you haven't had an interrupted thought in three days. Moms, caretakers, yes, I am talking to you.

Loving yourself first, it is not selfish. I like to think of it as self-full. I do not like the word selfless or selfish, but I do like self-full. It's the only thing that makes your love for other people in your life sustainable.

When you are taking care of yourself, you cannot give what you don't have. And when you pretend that you can, all that is, it's a fast track to resentment, resenting your life, resenting people in your life. It's a fast track to exhaustion, to fatigue. And at some point, if you're not already there, you will shut down and you will shut down completely.

You deserve better than that. And your loved ones do too. When you take care of yourself, you have more time and more energy to give to other people. Okay, number four.

Do one thing today that's only for you. Not for your business, not for your kids, not for your partner, not for anyone else's approval or consumption. Something that exists purely because it fills you up. Maybe it's 30 minutes of reading a book.

Maybe it's a drive with the windows down and music loud and you're like singing along and it just feels amazing. Maybe it's a journaling or a bath or sitting in silence with your coffee or in my case, a protein shake before the house wakes up. Today, mine was a 55 minute run with the Peloton app because having a coach coach me with a bunch of people in the room and loud music felt like something I wanted to do. And it did fill my cup.

And it didn't have to do with me checking the box of working out. It did do that, but it was something that felt good to me today. It doesn't have to be big, but it does have to be yours. An unblocked woman, she treats her own joy like a non-negotiable.

I want to ask you, how is your joy right now? How often are you feeling it? Okay. She does not treat joy like a reward that she's going to get after she takes care of everything else and does everything else.

She is filling her own cup every single day now and doing something for herself now. So pick something you can do for yourself today. Number five is say the thing that you've been swallowing. This can be a hard one, but also can feel amazing and freeing.

There is something that I bet that you've been swallowing that you've been feeling that you have been holding back. A conversation that you've been avoiding, a boundary that you've been too afraid to set, a truth that's like sitting heavy on your chest. And every single time you're around that certain person or certain situation that's coming up and you're still staying quiet. I am not saying blow up your life this afternoon, but I am saying name it, write it down.

If you're not ready to say it out loud, write it down. Get honest with yourself about what you've been swallowing. To keep the peace. Because here's what happens when you swallow your truth over and over.

It doesn't go away. Instead, it turns into anxiety. It turns into resentment. It turns into this like low grade heaviness where you might even feel like you're just like climbing up this mountain with like caked mud shoes or yeah, mud cake to the bottom of your shoes.

The unblocked woman, she does not swallow. She speaks. Not recklessly, but honestly. She knows that her voice matters.

Number six. Let go of one relationship that costs you your peace. I'm not talking about like cutting someone off forever. That might be it.

Sometimes that's it. But sometimes all it is is like pulling back a little bit. Reducing access to you. Maybe stopping the pattern of giving someone the power to derail your day.

Think about people that you feel heavy around. Or even one specific person. The person who you perform for. Who you leave feeling smaller every single time you're around them than when you arrived.

When you feel that way, that is information. Information telling you what. Maybe. You're just not really aligned anymore with that relationship.

And it's okay. The unblocked woman, she doesn't keep people in her inner circle out of guilt, obligation, or history. She keeps people who match the life that she's building. I want you to think about and look at the life you're building right now.

Do the people in your circle match that life? Do they celebrate you? Do they honor you? Do they respect you?

And I would also ask, do you do the same for them? Because it does go both ways. Building relationships, it's a two-way street. Seven, move your body like a woman who respects herself.

This isn't about aesthetics or a number on the scale. This is about honoring the vessel that you are living in. I like to think of my body as a subject that I'm living in. I like to think of it as a subject that I'm living in.

a temple? What would, if I, if this is a temple, how am I showing up when I enter the temple? Basically when I put things in my mouth and eat, when I am filling my brain, when I am taking care of it physically, walk, stretch, dance in your kitchen, lift the heavy weights, do the things, whatever they are, but move with intention and treat your body well. I also want to add here that this is not like the punishment or because you have to get the workout in.

A lot of women have a very unhealthy or punishing relationship with exercise. That's not what I'm talking about. They're the women who, by the way, I am, I used to be guilty of this, where I would work out to fix something that was wrong with me, right? I wanted to lose weight.

I wanted to look better. I wanted to, um, push harder, whatever it was, it was coming from a place of punishment instead of love. But the unblocked woman moves because she's grateful for what her body can do. And along these lines, what's been interesting for me is when I started truly doing this and not pushing so freaking hard at the gym, every single time I entered the gym or I have a workout studio in my basement too, same thing.

When I started treating my body with more love, that's actually when my body performs better. But also I did get leaner. Like the body that I wanted came when I wasn't pushing so freaking hard. So coming back to the unblocked woman, she's grateful for what her body can do.

And it's not because she's trying to earn the right to take up space. She is grateful because she sees her body for what it is. And I like, like I said earlier, I like to just think of it as my body as a temple. And I need to take care of that.

So number eight, keep a promise to yourself that nobody else knows about. I love this because you're, you're no one else. You're not doing it for anyone else but yourself. This one is all about building integrity in private.

You set a small, quiet commitment, something only you would know if you kept it or broke it. Some examples are maybe you've decided to wake up 15 minutes earlier. You're committed to getting the water intake that you need every single day. You're like, I am hitting my 80 or 120 ounces every single day.

Maybe it's not picking up your phone during the first hour of the day. Maybe it's not picking up your phone when you are with other people. Whatever it is, keep it for a full week. Not for accountability, not to add more to your to-do list, not for content creation.

Like now you're going to create content around it or not. But you can tell some about it. Like guess what I did? I'm saying just for you.

It's just a little commitment you make for yourself because the woman you're becoming needs to know that you'll show up for her even when nobody's clapping, especially when nobody's clapping. You can't expect other people to celebrate you more than you are willing to celebrate yourself. So show up for you, for her. Number nine is forgive yourself.

For the version of you that didn't know better. You're carrying guilt about decisions you made when you were a completely different person. And I have been guilty of this. I mean, in fact, these 10 things I have added these 10 things to today's episode, because at some point in my life or another, or maybe even parts of my life for long periods of time, I was guilty of these things.

I was guilty of all of these things. So don't beat yourself up. Now, for some of the decisions you made, then you were a different person. The relationship that you stayed in for too long.

You were a different person. The money that you spent when you didn't have it. You were a different person. The years that you gave into something that wasn't worth it.

You were a different person back then. Maybe the way that you showed up as a mom or a partner or a friend before you had the awareness that you have now, you cannot. Judge her because if you can answer the question, did you do the best you had with what you, did you do the best you could with what you had? If you can say yes to that, then you're good.

That version of you was doing her best. She was learning. She wasn't broken, broken. There was nothing wrong with her, but she was learning from those experiences.

And the last thing she needs is your judgment right now for something that happened then. What she does, need is your compassion, your love. Let her go. Not because of what happened and that it doesn't matter.

Like what happened doesn't matter, but because holding onto it is the very thing. It's the very thing that's blocking the woman you're trying to become. When you hold onto all of those old beliefs and past experiences, they block you. They're in the past.

They're in the rear view mirror. Let it be. Okay. So number 10 is decide that you're ready to be her.

Now, this is the shift right here, right now. Most women think that identity change works like this. You do the things, you get the results, and then you become the person, but it's actually the opposite. You decide who you are first.

You start choosing, you start speaking and you start moving like the woman you're, becoming now. And as you do the results follow and you get to be her a lot faster because you're showing up as her. You don't need more money in your bank account to be more confident. You don't need a better body to feel worthy in your body.

You don't need permission from anyone to start trusting yourself. You can do all of these things and accept yourself completely right now. The unblocked woman isn't waiting. To become someone she's already decided that she is, she is her.

And every choice that she makes is simply confirmation of that. I want to leave you with something that took me a long time to learn becoming the woman you want to be. It does not start with consuming a course or hiring another coach or getting a new planner or creating that perfect five-year plan. It starts with the decision that you make in a quiet moment when nobody else is watching.

It starts the first time that you tell yourself the truth when the lie should have been easier. It's the first time you keep a promise to yourself that no one else will ever know about. It's the first time that you choose yourself without apologizing for it. That's not selfish.

It's not indulgent. It's a woman who's coming home to herself and a woman who respects herself. Here's what I've seen happen over and over and over when a woman does that work. She doesn't just change her own life.

She changes the temperature of every room that she walks into. Her kids fill it. Her partner fills it. Her friends fill it.

Her family fills it. Her friends fill it. Her parents fill it. Her friends fill it.

Her purpose or opposite opportunities are important. It's a wonderful experience that, on some level, it can culminate when you're on these specific plans and the same goal that she's worked important in for vacations and the pleasure of home work. it. Her employees fill it.

Her work fills it. When a woman who is honest and operates from integrity shows up for herself, the woman who's spilling her own cup first, that woman is not draining. She's not draining the people around her and she's not draining herself. Instead, she lifts them just from her essence, just from her being in the room and people can feel that she is full.

I want you to think about someone that you know right now that does this already. It might be you and if it is you, I applaud you. You don't have to be perfect to be this unblocked woman that I always talk about. In fact, there is no such thing as perfect.

In the collective coaching call this month, I just had it this week and this is one thing we talked about. We talked about not being perfect. Perfection doesn't exist. You don't have to be perfectly finished.

You don't have to be perfectly polished. There's no such thing. You just have to be willing to stop blocking the woman who's already inside you, who's already there waiting for you to get out of her way. She's ready.

You're ready. So moving forward, I want you to pick just one thing from today's list. Just one. You need to re-watch this episode or re-listen to this episode, then do it and pick one.

But the one that you pick, I want it to be the one that scares you. Even if it scares you just a little bit. I want you to pick the one that dropped, like the one that your stomach dropped. Maybe a little bit when I brought it up.

That's the one. That's the one I want you to do. With that, I will see you next time. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure you share it with a friend.

Make sure you subscribe. We are growing our podcast and I would love as many women as possible to get their hands on this to uplift them and uplift others so that we can have more unblocked women on this. earth creating an impact and with that take care I will be back here next week bye thanks for listening to the unblocked woman listen you don't rise by waiting you rise by leading so if this episode sparked a shift send it to a woman who needs to hear next and if you're ready to go deeper join the unblocked woman collective or begin the unblocked method at amysanders.