Loving Your Emotions Using The LOVEE Method

What self-compassion is, this is very specific, it's when your thoughts and emotions rise and rather than judge yourself, the inner critic running the show, you're offering your thoughts and emotions, compassion and understanding. Welcome to the Thrive Her podcast. I'm your host, Amy Sanders. I'm a fitness and wellness pro, mom, stepmom, second wife, and master certified life coach.

I'm here to help you manage your mind so you can uncover the most potent version of yourself and create a thriving life you love. Hey, hey, welcome back to the Thrive Her podcast. I'm your host, Amy Sanders, and I am, as always, so excited to be here with you today. Today, we are talking about self-compassion.

We're talking about how to thrive even when there's massive obstacles or challenges that look so high and steep that you don't know how you're going to navigate that. And I have brought on a special guest. Her name is Sharon Brock. She is a breast cancer survivor.

She is an author, and she has done so much in her community and everything around mindfulness and meditation and teaching other people how to get through those obstacles. So, welcome so much to the Thrive Her podcast. We're happy to have you here, and I'm excited to just hit go. So, can you tell us a little more about you and what you're doing right now, and then we'll go into your story?

Sure. Well, thank you so much for having me. This is really great. And I like to think of myself rather than a cancer survivor, a breast cancer thriver.

Yes. So much better. Which is perfect for this podcast. You're thriving.

Yes. It's totally in alignment for sure. Yeah. And my name is Sharon.

I live in Sausalito, California, which is just north of the state. It's north of San Francisco. And I'm a health and wellness writer for a university up here, as well as now a best-selling author as of Monday. Yeah.

So, we're on Amazon. Let's talk about your book. Sure. So, you have a book, and then the second edition just went out.

At the time of recording right now, it went out this week. That's right. Yes. So, let's talk about your book.

Best-selling author. Amazing. Woohoo. Thank you so much.

Yes. Obviously, it's just such a labor of love. Labor of lovee. It's actually called The Lovee Method, L-O-V-E-E, and those are the five mindfulness practices that got me through this breast cancer journey that was obviously so emotionally taxing.

The actual name of the book is The Lovee Method, Mindfulness Meditation for Breast Cancer. So incredible. Yeah. So many women are going to continually benefit from what you are putting out there.

Yeah. And what you're doing is powerful, and I'm so excited to have you share on our Thrive Her podcast how you are thriving and just your journey. So your method, L-O-V-E-E, they all stand for something. Yeah.

I'm happy to go through that for you. Yeah. Let's go through it. So essentially, well, I'll first start how the book is structured.

So it's part memoir, part mindfulness teaching. The genre is actually a teaching memoir. Perfect. All right.

So the first two chapters are the memoir. Like I got this phone call. I'm diagnosed positive for breast cancer. I'm only 44 years old.

I'm so confused. What happened? And so if someone reading it also has cancer, they say, wow, I'm not alone. I resonate with her, all of her fears, everything she's going through.

And so that was the first component. I wanted the memoir to be in the book. Okay. Thank you.

cancer feel heard and understood right and then the third chapter chapter three is the mindfulness teaching so it's the l for label the label practice is chapter three and then chapter four and five goes back to the memoir and chapter six is o for observe the observe practice and then on and on and on that's the pattern through the book so it's as if you're learning this mindfulness tool the lovey method is a tool for emotional resilience you're learning this mindfulness tool through a story through storytelling so even if you don't have breast cancer you can still learn this mindfulness tool in a more engaging way right it's not a textbook it's someone's personal story and it's i'm so vulnerable in this in this book it's a little embarrassing but gosh i figure that's the best writing is vulnerable right it is people want to feel your heart yeah yeah and i also try to make it funny there's funny parts in the book too but yeah so essentially the lovey method how i describe it is it's a mindfulness tool for emotional resilience so let's say you're overwhelmed with anxiety regardless of the cause whether it's a cancer diagnosis or just something in your family something at work in just anxiety is is strong in the body in the mind you can have a seat and go through the steps it's like step by step how to manage and process that anxiety in a healthy way so step one is you label it l is for label so you label it such as anxiety is here so you don't say i am anxious you don't want to identify with it you just say the energy of anxiety is here or sometimes they say anxiety is rising because it feels like it's kind of coming up right yeah so that you're not totally just like i am full of anxiety or i am so scared freaking out right lonely i'm freaking out like it's like okay i have this this feeling is here i'm i'm recognizing that it's here yes you're recognizing it that's right so it's just a acknowledgement with a label anxiety is here and then you go to oh which is observing that energy of anxiety in the body so observing it and just letting it run its course right because energy all emotions are energies in motion so when you're observing it you're just allowing it to rise and then fall it'll just naturally come and go through and just kind of let it let the wave um come and go and you can sit back resist it right they're like yes they're like oh no i have anxiety i need to do something different tonight i have anxiety or not to be sad or not to be lonely and they're not feeling it but the emotion is not gonna stay it's actually gonna stay more if you try and resist it versus just like okay here it is see you're already doing it you're already you already know the loving method well i'm a life coach a mindset yes yes people don't understand that these emotions are just emotions they're just energy so it's okay to let them flow yeah and that's exactly what the observe practice is all about and just letting it be and not judging it not pushing it away not resisting it letting it do what it needs to do and v is actually you can value this emotion because this emotion has something to tell you let's say it's anxiety it's telling you hey i don't feel safe right now is there something we can do about that right just you're giving it's more information for self-awareness okay and then yeah i'm gonna stop you again she's like i'm ready to go i'm like i'm not it's the opposite of reality it's the opposite of resistance is valuing it right it's valuing it understanding that so i like to think about i've my background is health and wellness fitness body right but so often we don't talk about our emotions so much as we do if your body is stressed or if it's too tired it's like giving you a signal hey i need a break hey my muscles are too sore hey i just ran that marathon i need some recovery and it's up to us to listen to our body right that's right with emotions valuing it like saying okay it's telling us something yeah listening like you said hey i'm not okay or not i don't feel safe just being able to see okay so what are our emotions telling us and why exactly it was just i had sorry i keep stopping you okay that's well see and this is that's it right it's it's not like any of this is brand new it's but what i've done i'm a journalist this is what i this is what journalists do they take information and they put it all together yeah that's what writers do and you guys make sense of it so much better right i mean me i want to be a writer i've actually like started writing books multiple times but i can't i'm like at one point i'm gonna get something published i'm just talking right now yay i hope you do i can't wait for your book you guys are just so good at putting it together in a way that's so you're like crystallizing yeah like okay yeah so anyway and you know everyone loves step by step i'm anxious give me step by step process and that's what lovey provides the first is actually my favorite letter of all of them okay it's the sweet part it stands for embrace yeah so you take that little anxiety and you think of it like like a little crying child like an upset little child and you embrace it give it some love you give it some compassion i've got you you actually can talk to it like i got you i'm here for you what do you need sweetheart what do you need yeah turning inward i see you i hear you and quite often like we know in real life if you're upset and someone someone else sees you and hears you and says it's okay i understand i hear you what what do you do you go okay all right i'm seeing thank you thank you yeah exactly thank you for being there for me yeah so we can do that for ourselves we can do that for ourselves oh so powerful and why don't we though it's like we need to do more of this it's just honestly it's a skill it's just you don't think of that as a possibility like i take an entire year course in a course called mindful self-compassion and now i'm a teacher of mindful self-compassion and there's all this research behind it it's incredible a woman named kristin neff n-e-f-f incredible so the embrace practice is a mindful self-compassion practice yeah what i learned from that training yeah and it's so good so good oh it's life-changing when you learn to love yourself it changes everything and can we just talk about yeah let's sit back and talk about that let's talk about that let's also talk about you loving yourself moving onto the water and how you love yourself and how you love yourself and how you are eating and how your motor is but that's something i've learned but like it's like people put huge value on потому what's on the water country when you look at is my daughter she lives on the water she lives on the water like she gets look out her window and i mean life is dressed look at that and be like oh every time it is beautiful yes it is you can certainly love yourself living in a box too absolutely absolutely can yes but doing the things that bring you joy yeah but i think i want to be kind of specific though because yes i think this is the discernment with something that is in your mind like and and and learning like it or trying to learn like it up in life the amazing thing about this school is to do talking about stuff you take your mind in a way in the moment and like yes that's no matter how good you do even if you don't pick up on things live in the numbers i do that's it makes sense huge part. It's not just like the mindful self-compassion work, like being kind to yourself. Isn't just like, I need a break from work. I'm going to go take a bath or, or I'm going to go to yoga tonight because this is what I need.

It's not that that's self-care. That's a little different, different than compassion. Yeah. So what self-compassion is, this is very specific.

It's when your thoughts and emotions rise and rather than judge yourself, the inner critic running the show, you're offering your thoughts and emotions, compassion and understanding. Yes. That's see the difference. It's different than self-care.

Right. And so it's, it's very precise and it's a skill that we don't know in the U S we really don't. Yeah. We really don't.

And so what happens is when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're, when you're when you do these self-compassion practices, when you do the embrace practice and you can do these separately, I have these all on my website. You can do them separately. If you feel like if someone in your audience has a strong inner critic, they can go to my website and just for free, you can, you have these audios, these meditations, and just do the embrace practice over every single day, start to calm that inner critic. And then you grow something called your compassionate mind where you're giving yourself compassion.

You're saying it's okay. Anxiety. It's okay. Loneliness.

I got you. It's life-changing. I can't stress and how amazing it is. I also just love like the separation of it.

I mean, I think I love that. Like, yeah, so important understanding that it's not you it's these thoughts and things that bring up these emotions. It's like the inner critics always going to, it's always going to want to be going, but we can step back and be like, Hey, it's okay. Yeah.

I feel you. I hear you. I'm here. You can even give compassion to your inner critic.

Right. Because that's there for a reason. Yeah. Feeling not good enough.

Right. Yeah. So none, the idea is there's no resistance to anything. Whatever's there is okay.

Yeah. Just allowing it and offering it love. Yeah. One, one kind of shortcut to lovey is whenever a thought or emotion comes up, observe it, love it, observe it, love it.

You see it there. Then you give it some love. Yes. Sounds so easy.

Well, it actually is once you like, I do it all the time now, but it's just like doing it and like giving yourself the permission and saying, okay, yeah, love it. Like it's okay to embrace it. It's okay to recognize it and then give it some love. Yeah.

It's, it's just, it's just, it's just about creating a new habit of mind is what, it's called habits of mind. Right. Yeah. And unfortunately I think most of our upbringing, especially in the U S has been, we excel.

Like we lose weight when we're hard on ourselves. Like we think in our head, I think you said you're in the fitness industry, right? So this is part of the research with self-compassion research. You should check out Kristen.

She's amazing. She talks about in her book, that's called self-compassion. We think that if we like criticize, let's say our thighs, like my thighs are too big. That's going to motivate me to get to the gym or workout, but it's actually the opposite.

It's a paradox. If we love our thought, we love our body just as it is. We're going to go to the gym because it's good for our body. Cause I love myself so much that I'm going to go exercise because it's good for my body and my health.

And then kind of over time, you end up losing weight anyway, right? But it's, it's really motivating through love rather than through criticism and criticism. Yeah. She has all this research behind that.

It's amazing. It just makes sense when you think about energy levels and the body and responses and stress, like it makes sense. Yeah. It's going to, when it's filling love, when your heart center's full of love, your energy is going to be at such a higher vibration.

You're going to be able to, love so much greater, like every aspect of you. It makes sense. And even physiologically, when there's love in your heart, there's less, less cortisol in the body. And then you're able to lose weight better too, with less cortisol.

Weight loss tips here on the podcast. Hey, we can do a whole thing on that. I know. Yes.

What is your last E? We haven't talked about the last E. Oh my goodness. This is the word that we don't use very often in the U S it's equanimity, equanimity.

And what equanimity means is non-reactivity staying calm, cool, and collected having a balanced mind through crisis. So let me put it this way. So let's say you are in partnership and your partner is really making you angry. Let's just say angry.

Okay. Is the emotion coming up? You don't want to go straight to equanimity and just accept him as he is. Oh, he is who he is.

I'm going to accept him as he is. That's a, that's an equanimity phrase. Like, I'm just going to accept it. I'm not going to react because how are you saying it?

You're like, Oh, he is who he is. He's doing it again. You know, it's not authentic. So you actually have to kind of put it into the lovey machine, right?

You got to label it. Anger is here. Observe it, value it, embrace it. I hear you anger.

Like, like it makes sense that you feel this way. I understand. What do you need right now? And the anger is like, respect, you know, like I got you.

I'll respect you. I respect you. And then when that anger suits a little bit, you've processed it and integrated it in your body. Then you move to the final E and repeat the equanimity phrase.

He is who he is. I accept him just as he is. Right. And then you're, you're working, you're operating from an equanimous mind rather than an angry mind.

Okay. So why do you think that the U S here, we don't practice that part. It's not very common here versus other places. I think in the U S it's just a completely different thing in the U S if you're emotional, that's just wrong to begin with.

You're just bad. You're, you know, you are truly like, you can't be emotional at work, right? You're just wrong for having the emotion to begin with. And so, and so you're kind of like swallowing, you're, you're, you're shoving it under the rug and trying to be like, you're thinking like being equanimous means being professional, let's say at work or whatever.

Right. But that's not, that's just not healthy for our mental health. Right. So the loving method is a safe container to process our emotions in a healthy way so that we're actually processing that anger.

And then we go back to talk to our boss. Right. And then we're still professional, but then we can communicate. We can actually talk to our boss and say, we're not coming from like reaction from our amygdala.

Right. We're not coming from reaction. We're coming from our equanimous mind, which is actually the prefrontal cortex in the forehead. Yeah.

So there's all the, so the book also talks about the neuroscience behind all of this as well. Talks about, when you do these mindfulness practices, it shifts you from your amygdala to your prefrontal cortex. They actually measure it in a lab. It's incredible.

Okay. Can we talk about that? Some people are like, I don't know what either of those they're part of the brain, but what does that even mean? Yeah, sure.

So the amygdala is a little almond shaped organ right between your ears. And it's the place that's activated in fight or flight. So whenever you're, under threat, so that's physical, but also emotional threat. And, you know, if you're anything like me, like I kind of like I get emotional threat, just like if someone, I don't know, just gives me a weird look, you know, like, I'll be like, they're judging me.

They hate me, you know, the amygdala is like, and it flips up like as if a tiger is coming after me, but it's really just my boss, you know, not happy with the story I wrote or something, something minimal. So the amygdala, it's not very smart. It's not like that's life-threatening, but this isn't. Everything's threatening.

It's like a light switch. It's either on or off. And that's why like easily triggered. It's kind of like the amygdala switch is easily triggered.

Yeah. And so that's not very good for your physiology because when that light switch of your amygdala flips, it kind of does this cascade, a biological cascade. Including, you know, cortisol to help you run from the tiger. Yeah.

And now it's like response that you don't need because it's just an emotion. Yeah. It's just an overreaction. Truly, you know, and I don't mean that in a judgmental way.

I just mean, it's like not life-threatening. And so you don't have to do that to your poor body, you know, and, and the lovey method allows you to process that emotion. And then when you get to the equanimity, you can actually see the situation more clearly. And then you're responding from, actually what's happening rather than through your lens of like, my boss hates me.

Right. Through that filter. Does that make sense? It does make sense.

And your prefrontal cortex is the front part of your brain. Yeah. Your frontal lobe. And that's where you're, you're equanimous mind.

Yeah. Reasoning, rational balance. Yeah. Wisdom, your wisdom.

Yeah. Okay. So as we wrap up, tell me how you use this. So you're a breast cancer survivor and now you like are an author and you do all this stuff to help women who are going through that.

That's right. So did you learn this process as you went through it? Or were you like, okay, now I'm going to put this to test. You knew it.

And you're like, does this work? That's a great question. So as I said, I was 44 when I was diagnosed and I had already been a yoga teacher and a meditation teacher for about 10 years. And I was like, I'm going to do this.

And so I had this huge toolbox, like wellness toolbox of practices. And I talk about this in, I think in the introduction of the book where I tried all sorts of different things like chanting and all sorts of different types of meditation and movement and breath work. But it was the mindfulness practices that were just so profound and, and alleviated my anxiety because it right after diagnosis, it was the fear of death. That was just like, like this.

That alarm in my, in my brain, you know, my mind, that fear was so scary. And so obviously that, that was my mind being in the future, right? In the future, I will die soon rather than later. Right.

And that, that fear was so intense. So mindfulness does, it brings the mind from the future into the present moment. That's what mindfulness is to be mindful is to be present. Just means your mind is right here, right?

Now. And so these are the practices that were most effective to reduce my anxiety. And so there are also like hundreds of different mindfulness practices, right? Why I was playing with all sorts of different ones.

And I realized that these were the five that were the most effective for me to calm anxiety. And then with equanimity to, to handle my situation of having cancer with grace. True. To be able to, to deal basically is what equanimity is, is you can deal, you can manage it.

And so like how it came together was I literally was, I think it was probably a month. So I was writing the book as I was going through chemo and I didn't have the title of the book as I was writing it. And so it was maybe a month, six weeks after I've started writing the book that I woke up in the middle of the night and I said, it smells love. Wait a minute.

What? It was like this download or something in my dream. Yes. Title of the book is.

I need to share this with the world. Yeah. It was a profound experience for me. Yeah.

So it just made sense. And honestly, I do love you every day. I do it all the time. Well, you're like a walking example of what it is and that it can work.

So, so awesome. Okay. So with the audience, can you share just one little nugget of wisdom that we can leave with them as we're wrapping up when it comes to just learning how to thrive in your life? Like right now being present, just you're like, you're a master of this stuff.

So what would you share? Wow. So the question is, is how to thrive in life in your life right now? So I mean, within like what's worked for you to where you're a cancer survivor, you're a publisher.

Oh, I got an answer for you. You know, you've got all of these things that people will be like, a lot of people might say, there's no way I could do that, you know, but you're living proof that you can. Thank you. You're welcome.

My answer to that, how to thrive in life is, so this is a tenant in equanimity that at all times in life, at all times, there are good things and there are bad things. Happening all the time. And when we cling to the good or push away the bad, we're constantly suffering. Cause we're like, we want more of that.

We don't want that. Right. We're always in either resistance or clinging. Right.

Yeah. But it's, it's such a waste of energy because we're never going to get there. Like we're never going to just have good things only. Right.

I was going to be the bad there at all. That's just life. And so we might as well use all that energy that we would use of like chasing after the good and pushing away the bad. That's a lot of energy.

Right. Instead use that energy to cultivate equanimity, which is like, I'm cool either way, either way. I'm good. Yeah.

I accept, I accept everything exactly as it is. And from that place of non-reactivity, that inner happiness and joy just blossom. Yes. Yeah.

So good. I was just reading a book on that this week, actually. Oh yeah. The Untethered Soul.

Yeah. If you like that book, you would like my book. Yeah. Guys, if you like Untethered Soul, then you'll like her book too.

So let's, so the lovey method, L-O-V-E-E is your book. You can find it on Amazon. We will also have a link in the show notes. So if you want to purchase the book, you're more than welcome on Amazon.

If you want to purchase the book, you're more than welcome on Amazon. If you want to get ahold of her, we also have her website in the show notes. So thank you so much for coming. Do you have one more thing you wanted to say?

Yeah. I just wanted to say I have the paperback, hardback, but I also have an audio book. I recorded an audio book if that's what you prefer. So we can put that in the show notes as well.

Yeah. We'll just have all of them right there. Yeah. And the last thing I want to say is if you just want to listen, if you want these 10 audio meditations, you can go to my website, www.

meditation. com. www. meditationforbreastcancer.

com. Even if you don't have breast cancer, you can download those for free. And I hope those can really serve as well. Perfect.

Thank you. So generous with your offers. Thank you so much for being on the podcast. And guys, go check her out.

She's in the show notes. And if you have any questions, you can always reach out. So thanks for being on the podcast and we will see you guys next week. Thank you so much, Amy.

Bye. If you enjoyed listening to this podcast, then you've got to come check out my signature program at Thrive Camp. This is where we do real coaching and inner work transformation. I teach you how to apply the strategies and mindset tools we talk about here on the podcast so you can unlock your true potential and create the life you love.

For more info, go to amysanders. co forward slash thrive dash camp. Again, that's amysanders. co forward slash thrive.

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