Overcoming Betrayal & Hurt

The first thing I'm going to do is I've got to take care of myself, because if I don't take care of myself, I'm not going to be any good to my kids. And I think that's where a lot of women go wrong. They think they have to be the martyr, they're doing everything for everybody else. And then they give themselves nothing.

And if you give yourself nothing, you're going to have a tank empty. Welcome to the Thrive Her podcast. I'm your host, Amy Sanders. I'm a fitness and wellness pro, mom, stepmom, second wife, and master certified life coach.

I'm here to help you manage your mind so you can uncover the most potent version of yourself and create a thriving life you love. Hey, welcome back to the podcast, everyone. So happy to be here today with you. And today on the podcast, I have a special guest with me, and we are talking about a sensitive subject.

And I'm hoping that it's going to be able to help so many people. As you guys tune in, I have Venus Morris Griffin with me. She is an incredible woman. By the way, she has seven kids and she's a dynamic real estate agent.

Now with the seven kids, she birthed them all. I do have to say that because I have seven kids, but I can only really claim birthing three. So there's that, right? I can't claim birthing all seven.

She's a real estate agent and she's a total survivor. She has a really powerful story. And our focus today is going to be about betrayal and the heartbreak and the devastation that can come with it and how she overcame it and the steps that she took and that you can also take to move into a better space. That's going to serve you and become the best version of you.

So I'm going to brag on her for one more second because she took her trauma and everything that she went through and moved through that dark place into a much better place. And now she's like. A total kick ass real estate agent in her area, like winning awards and all the things because she stepped into her true self. So welcome to the podcast.

I want you to tell us a little more about just your story and we're just going to dive right in. That works. Yeah. Thank you.

Thanks for having me. And the least impressive and important thing about me is my success from a financial standpoint. So just want to preface that before we start, I grew up and I had a very, very difficult childhood. And my betrayal started at a very, very young age.

One of my first memories was with my mother. And when I was a small child, I'd sit beside the sofa and my job was to watch her fingernails. And if they turned blue, then I was to call 911 because that meant she wasn't breathing. And growing up in a very, very dysfunctional family, we all have adversity at some point in your life.

If you're in the middle of it, you've gone through it. Are you? We'll go through it before you take your last breath. But as a young child, we often repeat the patterns that we see because, you know, that's just what we've been exposed to.

And God gave me the grace at a young age to know that I didn't know what I wanted to be like, but I knew what I didn't want to be like. And I didn't want to be like her. You know, my mother is a good person in a lot of ways. I mean, you know, you're no one, in my opinion, is defined by the worst thing they've ever done, but she had a lot of issues and there was a result.

You know, I have a brother and a sister and they repeated the patterns. My brother, he grew up stealing, you know, he'd go in the grocery store and just put a stake down his pants, just, you know, just because, and he would steal money and smoke marijuana and just wrong crowd. And I watched him go in and out of boys' homes and he was a sweet soul, but just bad decision after, you know, it's not the big things that define who we are. It's the little decisions we make every day that make you great or make you suffer.

And he ended up, I was in high school and he ended up getting sentenced to maximum security prison. And it was, it was devastating for me to watch. I would go visit him. And I just remember walking in one gate while this comes down and then the other gate comes up and you go in, you go to visit and, and just seeing this beautiful soul behind bars who just really didn't have a chance because he couldn't break out of what we were exposed to.

And, you know, we watched our mother go in and out of rehabs and in and out of jail. And, you know, insurance fraud and, you know, putting blankets over the doorways to keep the heat trapped in and, you know, just being ashamed and trying to hide your life from other people because you don't want people to really know how you've lived. You should have the perception that you were someone that you weren't because you, you thought everybody else in life had it figured out. And, you know, I can remember turning the kitchen light on and seeing roaches go everywhere and like, oh my gosh, you know, I could never bring somebody over here to, to see that.

And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, you know, the same thing with my sister. She, the last time I saw her was 20 years ago. And she, like my mother became dependent on prescription drugs, abused them, alcohol, and was in the South Carolina state mental hospital. And I'll never forget visiting her.

And she was so messed up. She was trying to convince me that she worked there and she was a patient, you know, it's, it's bizarre, but she was a beautiful soul, like just a beautiful soul, but just, you know, the betrayal, the abuse. As children that we suffered, you know, she was supposedly molested by my stepfather. And just, you know, when you suffer that you often, you end up betraying yourself as an adult and that's what they did.

But I, I always thought that I was different in that if I made good choices, that good things would happen to me. And what I've learned is that you can make good choices and life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people all the time. But with that being said, they don't have to define who you are.

I love that. Yeah. And I committed to myself at a young age to break the cycle and I changed high school. I've lived literally on the verge of homelessness.

I would live from one friend to the other friend, to the other friend until I felt like my, you know, you can kind of feel when somebody's kind of looking at you funny and wonder when you're going to leave, but they're too polite to ask you. But I, so I changed high school seven times in three years and graduated a year early. And I went to. College and worked two jobs to put myself through school.

And that's where I met the love of my life. And we were married nearly 20 years. And you know, it was just this amazing feeling to, to feel like you had beaten it. You know, I had this incredible man that I loved and yeah.

Hey, so what happened next? Cause I know more happened. She's like, so yeah, I can't keep going. Well, so, you know, we started dating and again, he really.

Was just this amazing human. You, you just walked in, he walked in the room and you gravitated to him. He was funny. He was smart.

He was so good looking. He was six, four brownish hair, the most beautiful blue eyes and the pretty smile and just charismatic. And we dated for, and he treated me like I was a princess. And I just thought, wow, you know, it was all worth everything, you know?

Um, and we married, uh, I, about a year and a half after we started dating and we went to the university of South Carolina, but he lived near Augusta, Georgia, North Augusta. And, um, uh, you know, I always give the analogy with my marriage. Have you heard the story of the frog in the water? Have you heard that analogy?

Yeah. So I was a little frog in the water and, you know, you put a frog in, in cool water and it's swimming around and it thinks it's fine. And then you gradually heat the water up and the frog doesn't. Realize it's about to lose his life because the, the heat happened so gradual or the abuse in my case that you just suffer, suffer, suffer, and then the frog's dead.

And, um, by the grace of God, I've made it out, but you know, so many people don't, which is, which is why I share my story, but you know, the good was so good in our marriage. I mean, he was just, again, he was dancing around the house. He was, you know, coaching our kids in football and basketball and soccer. We were co PTO presidents.

We went to church every Sunday. We sat on the front row. Um, like we were like pillars in the community. Everybody looked at us and they, it was kind of funny looking back, but they'd call us Barbie and Ken because we just looked like the family that everybody wanted.

And, you know, I thought I had that really, he was abusive. He suffered, um, most of our marriage with bipolar disorder, which was diagnosed probably 10 years into it, which explained his erratic behavior. One minute, he would be just the best father, the perfect person leading the Bible study group. And then the next minute.

You know, he was cussing me out, threatened to kill himself, putting a gun to his head and, you know, trying to hang himself, just like things you can't even imagine. And I loved him so much. And because of the abuse I suffered as a child, you know, 17 about to go to prom, my mother, she was intoxicated and I'd spend hours getting dressed. And she came in the bathroom and just called me a SLUT and just started messing my hair up, you know, and then the doorbell rings and, you know, that was like, I tell people that was a pivotal point.

Because I could have stayed there and been devastated in my senior prom being, you know, messed up forever. But I just decided, okay, I'm just going to brush my hair and I'm going to, I'm going to still have a good time. Despite this traumatic event that just happened literally seconds before the other four couples were outside in the limo. And that's what I did with my husband.

I said, okay, you know, I'm just going to help him through the adversity because of the abuse I had as a child. I didn't really realize how bad he was to me. You know? I thought it was so much better than what I had growing up.

The big red flags that a lot of people see, I didn't see, I thought were normal, you know? And so, you know, I helped, he was in and out of therapy and the good was so good. 90% he was Prince Charming. And then the bad was so bad.

And, you know, I remember towards the end being fearful for my life. And, you know, one particular time I can remember him just laying me on the bed, telling me he was, you know, he had my head turned this way. I couldn't move. And I remember saying he was going to snap my neck.

And that was the first time in most of the 20 years that I really thought he was capable of killing me. So I should have left. And, you know, we all have a role in where we're at and I share responsibility in my children growing up in that environment. And, you know, because I was a single mom, not a single mom, I was a mother of six children with him and I stayed home.

I didn't work. So I had no income and I felt trapped. My family was a wonderful family, but they were poor. You know, I say.

Most of them lived in trailers, good country folks, but they couldn't help. They couldn't help me with my children because they didn't have the means to. And I stayed for years and years because I didn't know. I didn't know my value.

I didn't know that I was enough. I didn't realize that I could do it without a man. And, you know, my story changed dramatically when I, my husband was out of talent business. I had a newborn.

I was nursing. My oldest was 15 down to, you know, close to a year old. And, and, you know, the phone rings and that's the call that I got from the prostitute middle of the night. And, and she tells me, you know, Venus, I'm calling, you don't know me, but I'm calling to say what an awful man you've been married to.

And he's been cheating on you for seven years with so many women and prostitutes. And, you know, we've drained all of your accounts, your bank accounts, your kids accounts, credit cards, and that stuff. And I didn't believe her because he was, again, the good was so good. You know, he had this terrible temper, but I excused his temper.

Because I thought that it was stress induced from pressure at work and behaviors that he had modeled as a child. And so when I got that phone call, I woke my 15 year old son up and I said, honey, will you listen out for your five younger siblings? And, and I'm going to go meet with someone and I'll be back. And I'll never forget that drive to, to meet her, you know, a million things are going through your mind.

Well, I didn't believe it because, you know, so many people in these great marriages and they think they're great. And then they get the call. Their husband's cheating on them, you know, most of the time, I feel like women can see it and they choose not to there's signs there that they ignore because they love their husband. They don't want to lose their family.

They don't want to stir the pot. And I didn't see any of this. I mean, we, you know, he had some mental issues that he was seeking therapy for that. I was, I was very aggressive in helping him with a therapist.

And, um, I remember the therapist telling us together one time, you know, what's it going to take for you to stop abusing your wife? I mean, is she going to have to leave you, you know, and he would be like, he was different because he, he was so remorseful. You know, I know I love her and she's, you know, he'd sit all the kids down and tell them you got the best mom in the whole world and daddy's going to do better. And please don't give up on me.

And, and, and so when I went to meet with this prostitute, I thought she was just angry at him, maybe. And in trying to tear our family apart, I really never believed, I never believed he would cheat on me, you know, of all of the other abusive stuff. It just, that just wasn't, I mean, I was with him every day. We had lunch together every single day.

And so I knocked on the door at this little awful hotel room and I'll never forget her coming. She was a very young girl and, you know, I'm kind of small, but she was, uh, she was smaller than me. And she was fidgeting from head to toe. And, you know, I just felt this is crazy, but I felt this instant connection with her.

And, and I tell people this sounds, um, odd, but, you know, you'd think I would hate this lady because she just basically in a matter of an hour kind of took my family from me, even though she didn't, he did. But, but I felt this connection with her because women do not sell their bodies unless they have something really going on with them themselves, unless they're devastated. They've been traumatized and abused. And so I felt this connection with this, this girl.

And I just remember looking into her eyes and just feeling this crazy compassion that I wanted to help her get better. Wow. And so she's, she's showed me her phone. I still don't believe her at this point, but she starts showing me her phone and, and pictures of my husband and, and he was naked in compromised positions with women.

And, you know, and so then I knew she was obviously. You know, I'm not making all that up and imagine how hard that was to just a phone call and within minutes, your life is completely different. So hard. Well, it was hard, but here's what I'll tell you.

I wanted to forgive my husband for those things because, you know, infidelity is an awful thing and I'm not excusing it, but what I do know is that it's, it's typically a symptom of a, of a different problem. And I didn't want to just throw the towel on my marriage because my husband was unfaithful to me. Mm-hmm. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, when she showed me the pictures, the phone rings and his name is popped up and she hands me the phone to answer.

And I answered the phone and I just, I was devastated. I just said, how could you do this to, to our children and to me? And, you know, he was devastated and crying and again, wanting forgiveness. And of course saying the prostitute was lying, which I know she, obviously he didn't know I just saw his pictures, but I knew she wasn't.

And so I remember leaving that hotel room that night and driving back. my house. And I just remember thinking, okay, you know, like everybody says they're Christians and it's for better or for worse in your marriage vows. But when things get hard, you know, you forget that and you're like, see ya, you know?

And so I made a decision right then that as long as he was willing to try to fight through this infidelity and whatever he had going on, I wanted to keep my family here. I was not going to let that darkness take my children or me to place without fighting first for my marriage. And I couldn't believe I was thinking that or saying it because I always said, if he ever cheated on me, I would dump him. You know, I'd file for divorce.

Yeah. It's a really easy thing for people to say until you're in it. Until you're in it. And then I'm like, oh my God, what do I do?

Because you still love them, you know? And so he has great parents and, you know, of course I called them and they're like, they couldn't believe it either. You know, it just wasn't him. And so they sent him to a sex rehab clinic in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, and he was there for many months.

And as part of the healing process, you've got to be honest with your spouse. You've got to tell them everything that you've done. You've got to kind of come clean. And, and he did that for the most part.

He told me a ton of stuff that he had done. He owned up to the women, he owned up to the sexual affairs, but he did some really bad things that, that he did not own up to there. And, and as a result of those things, they gave him a lie detector. And he felt it.

And then he took a second one and the second one was inconclusive. And so the people there said, you know, Venus, this is a pretty serious crime that your husband is that potentially happened. And so there's a person in Atlanta that has someone caught something called a specific issue on detector tests. And they're very, very accurate.

So, you know, if I were you, I wouldn't insist that he goes there and let them administer this lie detector test again. And he did. And he was a narcissist. I think, I don't know that the term is thrown all the way around, but he was, he thought he could fool the test.

You know, he thought he was smarter than the, the test. And I remember the guy calling me because I never met the guy to this day. And he said, you know, Venus, I don't know you. I don't know him.

Everybody's innocent. I'm not trying, you know, I get the same fee regardless, but your husband did these things and you're best at unfit if you, if you do nothing about this. And so I don't really talk about it. I don't talk about what he did because that's not my story.

My story is what do you do in the midst of adversity? Right. But a long story shortened is department of social services got involved and the district attorney, and they felt like based on all the evidence that he had done it and they arrested him and he went on a full trial and it took several months and he was convicted unanimously, of course, the jury, and he was sentenced to 45 years in prison. And, you know, it's a lot to process.

It's a lot to process. So from the time you found out from the prostitute that calls you to finding this information out was how short or when was that time? Like, you know, it's very difficult for me to remember like dates. I'm, I have a terrible memory, which is a good and bad thing, I think.

But, you know, I would say a few months from the time he went away to these other allegations coming out of things that he had done. That's a lot in a short period of time. Yes. It was.

And, you know, the hardest thing was, I mean, I still think back of sitting in that courtroom and, you know, they call me to testify and he's sitting there and he's like, putting out his watch like this. I'm like, the judge is like, sir, you can't talk to the witness talking about me. And he's like, putting out his watch. I'm like, I'm trying to figure out.

And so he's mouthing something to me. And then he's mouthing, I'm testifying against him on our anniversary. And I didn't put the two or two together, but of course I broke down. And I just remember driving home because that was August the 14th.

And I remember driving home and thinking, oh my God, how do I, how do I sit my children down and tell them that their dad has just been convicted and will be in prison for most of the rest of his life? Because he wasn't eligible for parole, I think, for 21 years. He's been in there 12, I think 12 years now. And it was, it was awful, you know, and I was scared.

For many reasons, but I was scared mostly because I didn't want my kids to suffer for something that they weren't responsible for. And, you know, I grew up without a father and I didn't want that for them. I met my father, my mother had an affair with her boss and she got pregnant. I guess she was 24 and had me.

And I never knew that he was my father because they never told him because again, she was married. He was married. They had an affair with me. And then at 17, my mother was drunk and she told me, she said, you're not like your siblings.

You have a different father. And so I met my father for the first and last time when I was 17. And forgiveness is so powerful because I remember in that short meeting that I had with him, looking at him. And the first thing he said to me was like, you know, you look more like me than my own daughter.

And I'm thinking, I'm your daughter, you know, I'm your daughter by the way. But he, he was genuine and he, you know, I could see like, he had tears and I could see, you know, he and my mother were young, they made a mistake. And I could focus on the mistake that they made, or I could focus on my life, which I had this, these six beautiful children. And had they not, had they not had me, I wouldn't have this, I wouldn't have my life.

I wouldn't have these children. So I've always been able, God has given me a grace to forgive and look at the glass as half full. And so, you know, he and my mother made a pact to never tell anyone. And, and, and I fell on grace and gratitude because my brother and sister were so screwed up that I'm like, well, maybe I got mostly his genes.

So all that to say, I didn't want my kids to grow up without a father because it was, you know, it was very difficult. And I came home from the courthouse that day and I said, all six children, we, they sat in a circle in our den. I remember it like it was yesterday. And I just was very honest and transparent with them.

And I just said, you know, I have no idea how I'm going to do this as your mom, but I love you. And I am not going to throw the towel in. And I said, the first thing that we're going to do is we're going to forgive your dad. I said, we're never going to talk bad about him because nobody wakes up one day and says, I'm going to screw my whole life up.

And, and he lost an amazing family. I mean, he had a very significant punishment and I was, I didn't know how, I mean, we lived in a two bed, I had six kids. I just got my real estate license. I think I made $20,000 my first year in real estate.

And I was hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. And I was a college graduate, but I was not employable really because I'd stayed home for 20 years with my children or 15 years. And I'll never forget my oldest son. He was 15.

He says, you know, mom, he says, you do everything you do and I'll help you. I'll help you raise my brothers and my brother and sisters and you work and, and we will, we'll figure this out as a family. And if we lose everything, we still have each other. And we started our journey as a family of six.

Just, I mean, I was so depressed. I could barely get out of the bed. I felt like I just wanted to die because not only had I lost my husband, my children was their father. And I knew, I knew if I put that cross down that my kids would forever suffer and they would repeat the pattern.

Like, like so many people that I've seen, growing up in my family. Right. So, you know, we started out and I promised God, I said, can you help me get through this? I promise I will use my story to help other women, especially know that they can get through anything because what happens as women, you know, we sacrifice our careers and put them on the back burner because we're the, usually the caregiver of the children and we support our spouse to go out in the workforce and they advance at the corporate ladder.

They're the financial. Providers. Well, when something goes wrong, we're left with nothing and, and trapped when we should get out, you know, had I had the means, the, the abuse outside of what he did to me as a person, I probably would have left years earlier, but I didn't think I could get out. I didn't think I could, I thought I needed, you know, I, I tell my kids don't look for a knight in shining armor to rescue, you know, you raise the sword.

So many women are going to resonate with that though, too, because they do feel like they're trapped. I know that I did in my first marriage, the same thing. It's like, I stayed longer because I didn't think that I could do it on my own. So many women feel that way because we, we are used to the man providing and we don't feel like we can, or that we were worthy of it or whatever.

So, yeah, it's, it's tough. And I just remember that first year, you know, I said, okay. You know, I, I didn't, I don't drink really. I mean, I'll have like a pina colada or something, but I don't drink.

I don't smoke. I don't do any of that stuff because I was always fearful because of the example. My mother said, I knew I had that gene there and I was, I didn't want to see if I could become an alcoholic. And I remember, okay, how, how do I take care of six kids by myself?

You know? And, and I have no money. I remember my divorce attorney telling me, you know, I know you like this real estate thing. You need to get a real job because, you know, it was 2009 and, and the world is in a crisis with real estate and everybody's getting out of the business.

And I remember telling him, I said, you know what, I'm okay getting a real job, but I first want to try. I'm not, I'm not going to just throw the towel in them because it's hard. And I knew what I had in, in, in the grit that I had developed, even as a child, I, uh, in, in the humiliation and the, uh, that I had overcome with my, my mother. And, um, and I just remember saying, okay, the first thing I'm going to do is I've got to take care of myself because if I don't take care of myself, I'm not going to be any good to my kids.

And I think that's where a lot of women go wrong. They, they think they have to be the martyr. They're doing everything for everybody else. And then they give themselves nothing.

And if you give yourself nothing, you're going to have a tank empty. And so I said, I'm going to take care of myself. And I'm going to take care of myself. I started researching and I said, okay, so I'm going to get up and I'm going to run because everything that I said, that was the best thing to help with depression without medication.

And I was fearful of medication that I would get hooked. Um, and I think medication is a beautiful thing when it's necessary, but a lot of times I think we want a quick fix and we don't want to do the hard work. And so I wanted to first try to do the quick fix. And so I remember getting up and I run five miles every day and I'd get up at five o'clock in the morning.

Which I still do, by the way. And it saved, it saved my life. It saved my life. Um, it's a little thing that you do, the little decisions that make you stand out and that, that make you great.

It's not the big things we think is we do something big than, than, or somebody, but you know, that, you know, waking up at five o'clock in the morning and I hated it. I still hate it. You know, some people are like, Oh, I can't wait to do this. I hate it.

Getting up so early, but with six children now, I have seven children with six children. That was the only time I could have for myself. And so I remember the first day I went to try to run, I could run like 10 feet literally, and I'd have to walk. But then the next day I could run 20 feet and then I'd walk.

And finally I got up to, I ran a half marathon, you know, in under two hours, but it, it, it was a gradual process, but I committed to taking care of myself. Um, and the second thing is I'm, I'm a spiritual person. And I remember waking, I knew I couldn't do it by myself and, um, I'm Catholic. So I leaned in on my faith to give me strength.

And I remember I would go running, come home, shower. Then I'd wake all the kids up, get them ready. And I took them to mass every single day, Monday through Friday for a year. I didn't even know they have mass every single day before school.

They do. They have it. Okay. We'd go at 7.

00 PM. So they hated it. I hated it, but I knew it was the little things that set you apart. And, you know, say we go five, six days a week and maybe only get something out of it one day or two days.

What I got out of that gave me the strength to get through the other days. And it's like somebody from heaven was talking directly to me and, you know, you're not going to always leave. I tell my kids this too. You're not going to, you're going to leave sometimes feeling like it's a complete waste of your time.

But it's the discipline of doing the same thing over and over and the commitment that will make you better. And it did it. Our family began to heal. And then the third thing that I did was, um, I told him I was working like 70 hours a week.

And I remember telling my assistant, don't make me any, don't put anything on the calendar from whatever time, 6. 30 to 7. 30 or five, whatever the schedule was. And I sat down with my six children at the table every night.

And we went around, and we would say I had a one, three, five, six, seven, eight, 10, 12, and 15 year old, somewhere around that age. And I remember just going around the table and we would say our good thing and not so good thing because, you know, we all want to feel like we're hurt and, and we want to feel like we matter. And I didn't want to work these crazy hours and hopefully become successful. And then them feel like all I cared about was money.

And so, um, you know, those three little things, those three teeny little things, changed my life and really saved our family. They were huge things though. I mean, the, the little things always aren't the big things. Yeah.

And the consistency and the effort, like over time it compiles and it defined you, you know, so the little things are the big things. Well, and then my success, you know, I told you my first year in real estate, I made $20,000. And then my son says to me, you know, I hear if you research something, then three or five years, I can't remember what he said. He'll be an expert.

Well, I was like researching, constantly. Uh, I would get up every day and I would put on a suit. I had like two really inexpensive suits that I would just wash. And I would go sit in this cubicle at our office building all day and, and just keep trying.

I would knock on for sale by owner doors and just beg people to let me list their house. And if they would let me, I would not only do what I would tell them I would do. I would multiply that and do more. And so then they would tell somebody about me because.

I didn't know anyone in our community, you know, I mean, I had a few friends, but your friends don't use you to buy and sell your house. That's the first lesson I learned. And I didn't come from money and I wasn't part of the good old boy club. And, and I literally, I had my whole life on the line and I knew my kids, I would come home every night and look at those six kids who were dying on the inside.

And I knew if I quit that they would pay the price for the rest of their life. And it was, it was, it was hard, but the consistency every day, you know, just doing the right thing, even when you don't feel like it, you know, the first year, I mean, 20,000 real estate, the second year, a hundred, the third year, 300 fourth year, 500, you know, by year seven, I was grossing, you know, a million plus. And, you know, I've been in that 12 years now. So, um, and I mean, it's incredible because you're like money is like, not, you know, you're talking about money, like, Hey, that's not like my biggest thing.

But it's, it's something that people can see the growth a lot easier, you know? Okay. So that, that year was, you know, 20 and the next year was higher. And it's something that's measurable.

Whereas when you're going through a lot of these devastating things that you've been talking about your experience, a lot of that's not as measurable. So it's like hard to see the growth. It's hard to see that you are progressing and that you are healing and that you are getting better and that you can do this because it's not measurable. Whereas that is, you know, so all of it, everything that you've been doing, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, you've been saying and sharing.

It's such a powerful, incredible story. And I hope that people are listening in thinking, wow, like what, what more can I do? Because we all can, like we all can become and do and be those bigger, greater versions of ourselves. Well, I knew once I started making the money.

And one of the reasons I feel like that I'm financially successful by most people's standards is that I would have a platform because it is measurable. And I would use that platform because it is measurable. And it doesn't matter what happens to you, what, what, what happens to you, what you go through, what you come through, where you come from, that you can really, you can get through anything. And as long as you take one step a day, you know, if you keep going forward, even if you go backwards, sometimes you're going to get somewhere.

And it's the consistency. I've made millions of dollars off of 70, 80% of people telling me no, you know, and if I were to focus on the 70 to 80%, of people who didn't list their house with me, or who didn't use me as their buyer's agent, then I would have quit. And that's what most people do. They quit because it's hard.

And they keep getting no, no, no, no, no. And I think that's not the way they're supposed to go. Well, the reality is, you got to focus on what you're doing right, and the yeses, and you got to keep pressing forward, even with the notes. And then when you do that, you know, I can I give the example of McDonald's and Chick-fil-A.

I mean, you notice, when you go through the Chick-fil-A line that they never forget to put their name on it. And I think that's a really good example. I love sauce. They don't, you know, when you go through the McDonald's line, and there's three cars, you're going to wait 30 minutes, and they're going to forget half your order.

So you got to check it before you pull up the window. But you can be excellent in anything that you do. And that will carry you through your life to any level. And it is harder to fail than to succeed.

And when doors close, it just means new ones are going to open and you go into a different direction. And by sharing my story, you know, people look at me, I'm, you know, polished somewhat, you know, I'm on billboard, and they think I've got it all figured out. And the reality is, like most of my life, I've just struggled to live. Like I've struggled just to live.

So let's look at your life. Like, let's just look at your life from where you started. And everything you went through. And where you are today.

Mm hmm. Well, today, I'm in a pretty good place. But it's still hard. You know, I just don't know what I'm going to do.

I don't know what I'm going to do. But you've done a lot of wonderful life is beautiful. And you've got to see the beauty in everything that you do. And I always give the analogy of like, like, Jesus died on a cross, you know, why do we think our life is supposed to be easy.

And I think when we mess up is when we think that our life is so hard, because at sometimes it is really hard. And then other times, like, ah, so worth it. But when we have the hard times, we think something we're doing something wrong when when we're not, it's the way it's designed to be. I mean, there's, everybody has adversity, and everybody has a story.

My story is no different or more profound than the next person. It's just my story, the hurt, the pain, the feelings, emotion, I think we're all the same people. It doesn't doesn't matter what you come from the, you know, I work with multi multimillionaires, I work with people that don't know how they're going to save up a three and a half percent payment on a $50,000 house. But what I've learned through that is, is really, we are all the same in our feelings and, and, you know, devastation, and we're, we're too scared to show up, because we might feel like we're weak.

Well, we took that off, if we took those plunders off, and just said, you know, life can really suck sometimes, and it can be hard, but that's okay, because it's still beautiful. Then you grow from that. And then you don't become depressed. And you don't think that you're a screw up, you, you just take it for what it is, this is just a short term place that I'm at.

And I just have to work through it. And it's going to get better. And, you know, I, I just went through my second divorce, you know, was married almost 20 years, the first time I was married, well, eight and a half years, the second time, and I married a good guy who never been married, no kids, married me with six. And so I tell people, I'm like, the poor guy has to be good.

Because I mean, he would marry somebody like me, with six kids, you know, but he was, you know, it's like a bulky landmine, you know, you got, you know, craziness gone from nothing. And, and, you know, it's hard. It's, it's, you know, I thought I'd figured it out. I'd achieved, you know, all these levels of success, I remarried, who I thought was the second love of my life.

And here I am divorced now with seven kids. And I've had to drain my retirement account to, you know, settle up because I was, I made the majority of the money. And I had to drain that to get everything squared away in my divorce. But again, like, he gave me this beautiful child.

He's a good person. It just didn't work with us. And that doesn't make him bad. That doesn't make me bad.

But it's still hard. And you just work through that. And like, now, it's still a little hard. I mean, I just have an open door and come over anytime he wants to.

And it's, it's been a transition, but I know we'll get through that transition. And as a result of allowing yourself to be in an uncomfortable place in a hard place, that the picture will be great. And it will be a good environment for our child together. It'll be good for our other six kids.

To show that, Hey, sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to work out, but that doesn't mean they don't work out because they always work out. Yeah. Such a beautiful message. Thank you for sharing.

And I hope everyone that is tuning in has really enjoyed her story. So if there is one little nugget of wisdom that you'd want to leave with us, what would that be? I would say, uh, for women, especially to know their value and to know that you, you are enough on your own and you don't need someone to complete you. And, uh, that, uh, that, that you deserve happiness and, um, you deserve respect starting with the way you treat yourself.

I love that. Such a beautiful message. Yes. We are fully capable guys.

We're capable. We have everything we need to be the version of us that we dream about, that we think that like, could I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, am I, could that actually happen? All of that is yes. And she's living proof of that.

So thank you so much for being on the podcast. We will have her information so that you guys can contact Venus underneath in the show notes. She has a website, she has LinkedIn, she has all of the things. So you've helped a ton of women like through speaking engagements and different things.

I speak all over the country and have a book coming out. And I actually got a movie offer from Warner brothers too. Yeah. Amazing.

We might be, like, well, your story on the big screen. Amazing. So maybe who knows, but anyway, yes, her information is below. So thank you again so much for being here and being with us and all of the message or all of the stuff you shared with us.

Appreciate it. We'll talk to you guys. I'll talk to you later and I'll be with you guys next week. Bye.

Hey, if you enjoyed listening to this podcast, then you've got to come check out my signature program at Thrive Camp. This is where you can find me and my team at Thrive Camp. This is where we do real coaching and inner work transformation. I teach you how to apply the strategies and mindset tools we talk about here on the podcast.

So you can unlock your true potential and create the life you love. For more info, go to amysanders. co forward slash thrive dash camp. Again, that's amysanders.

co forward slash thrive dash camp. Let's get to work and thrive together. Thank you so much for listening to this podcast. I'll see you next week.

Bye.