Nothing Sexier Than Freedom

All of a sudden I started, I can't believe him, it's maybe he's racist. I just started going through all the things of blaming, blaming, blaming. And I look over and there's the book. And I'm like, girl, responsibility is power.

Oh my God, okay, okay, okay, I can do this. It was a pivotal moment. I was like, I could do this. I could take responsibility and it hurts so much.

But I'm telling you, that was a game changer in my life because it was right. I could have got that window fixed. I could, you know, all these things that I knew I should have done and I didn't do. Oh, because I don't have the money.

I could have had the money. I went and spent it on lattes and partying and things spent, you know, and I took the responsibility in that moment. And as soon as I took responsibility, I felt this, I felt all this power just come back to me. Welcome to the Thrive Her podcast.

I'm your host, Amy Sanders. I'm a fitness and wellness pro. Mom. Stepmom.

Second wife and master certified life coach. I'm here to help you manage your mind so you can uncover the most potent version of yourself and create the thriving life you love. Welcome back, everyone. Amy Sanders here, host of Thrive Her podcast.

Today, I have another amazing guest. Her name is Helen Edwards, and we all need to congratulate her because she just got married on a cruise ship. We want to hear more about that. She has her bling ring to show it.

And then also she's in the financial industry. We'll have you tell your story more about that. And she's an author as well as her own podcast host. So she's doing a lot of things.

She wears a lot of hats. And ultimately, she's one of a woman of my heart who wants to help show you how to thrive in your life. I'm so excited to have you here. Welcome to the podcast.

Can you tell us more about you? Thanks, Amy. Oh, my gosh. Okay.

So I'm Helen Edwards. I'm Helen Edwards, financial strategist and author of the book, Nothing Sexier Than Freedom. It's all in the name. I'm the host.

Nothing sexier than freedom, right? Is that what we're all striving for? I've dug into it. And I'm like, is there?

And my husband's always like, well, there is one thing. It's me, duh. And I'm like, yes, but to the masses, I think I still feel like there's nothing sexier than freedom. You know, that's true.

Freedom in all senses, the word, right? Absolutely. Yeah. And there's so many definitions to freedom.

Yeah. So tell me nothing sexier than freedom. I actually do love the vibe. It's awesome.

Yeah. You know, okay. So in my podcast is sexy freedom media podcast. And then I just, that one's coming up on seven years.

And then I just started a new one called your morning sauce because I'm not a morning person. And I was really looking for something that really spoke my language and was under five minutes. Like, let me get my tea in and then go shoot, you know, shoot for the stars during the day. Yeah.

So I was like, well, you know, like they say, if you can't find it, create it. So that's what I did. I love it. And true.

Right. If you can't find it, create it. If you can't find it, it just means that there's need that needs to be filled. And if it's on your heart, then it's probably you who needs to figure out how to create that need, create the solution for the need.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Awesome. Can you tell me a little bit more about just your story and then how you landed here doing what you do?

Oh my God. So I've been on this journey when I say the journey. I've been on the journey for becoming a better me for about 20 years. And it really started with my divorce.

My first husband, when I divorced him and going through that really rough time in my life. And I was the person who was blaming him for everything until I started realizing I was a big part of the problem because he was, he wanted to change his life. And I'm originally from the Inland Empire in Southern California. I mean, I was kind of like the hood person, the hood girl.

And he was too, he was the hood boy. And when we moved out of California and into Arizona, he started changing his life for the better and which rightfully so. I mean, we were married, we had a young son and I was so against it though. I was like, well, you're changing, you're becoming different.

I was so scared. I was going to lose him because of this change. He was going through appearance, the way he was carrying himself, his new job in the loan industry. And I wanted to hold on to what we had.

So I caused so many problems and jealousy just took over my life. And because of a lot of things that we both smashed and bumped heads and we're growing apart, we divorced and he went on to become this amazing person. And I just felt stuck in me and dealing with my drama and trauma. And I didn't know how to get out of it.

So needless to say, life taught me a lot. A lot. A lot of lessons, like hardcore lessons. And when I first started writing the book, nothing sexier than freedom, I wasn't like, oh, I want to be an author.

Oh, I love to write. No, I was like, what am I going to do with my life? I am so lost. I'm so confused.

All I do is party and work my three jobs. And I see my son every time I can. My son, my ex-husband ended up getting full custody of my son. So also probably really hard.

Oh my gosh. Extremely hard. And I pause you for a second. And just like for a minute.

So your husband starts making changes for the better. You end up divorced. And then he starts, he has this like amazing life and you're still like, what? And also you have this son that, that is really hard as a mom.

I can't imagine. Yeah. I beat myself up so much for, we divorced when my son was four and I really, I didn't know it at the time, but I was self-sabotaging myself because I was in so much grief and anger at myself for letting my son go. And the reason I let him go in short is because I like to tell the story in short because it's all in the book, but I would, I fought for him.

When you divorce, you're going through a fight for your kids. And I wanted sole custody, but I was also living out of my car and my ex-husband, my ex-husband was the breadwinner and he wasn't a good husband to me, but he was a great husband. He was a great father. And a male friend of mine said, and I'll never forget these words while I was fighting and going to court and struggling, he said, is he a good father?

And I said, yes, he is. And he said, well, why don't you let a man raise a man? My dad left my life and I wish he would have raised me because it would have been a little bit different. And those words just, you know, just were so empowering and impactful.

And I say empowering because at the time I didn't know it, but it really empowered me. Empowered me later on in life because my son isn't this incredible human being today. Incredible. And a lot of it has to do with his dad, a man raising a man and also me.

There's some credit, but I really believe I made the right decision in that moment. Yeah. How powerful. Another thing you're doing right now that I just want to highlight is the fact that you're owning all of these things.

You're saying, Hey, I didn't want to change. I didn't want to change. He was changing. I saw it.

I didn't want to. I didn't want to mess up what we had because that is what we had. And I think a lot of people can relate to that because we do that. You know, we get so scared that change when people start shifting, it does create waves.

And I, a couple of years in my marriage, I started shifting for the better. And I've always been in self-development. I've been coaching for a very long time. You know, this wasn't nothing new, but it was like a time to kind of rebirth myself.

And that scared the heck out of my husband. And our relationship went through some major rocky times. Because I was like, no, it's time to, there's those moments in life where it's like time to just slough it off. It's time to just, okay, what's next.

But because of, you know, what was happening with me, it freaked him out. He made some choices that weren't necessarily ideal, which shook us. But now it's, there's two new versions of us that are becoming even more beautiful every day. And that can happen throughout your life, you know, which is what's happened to you.

Oh my God. I love that. You're right. Recognizing and taking ownership.

And one of the things I heard early on in my journey was responsibility is power. And that really shifted me. That changed me because that gave me ownership of not just myself, but more control of myself. And I'm telling you, if I can tell anybody out there, responsibility is power.

And this is an example. One time I was reading the book that said, I can't even remember. I can't remember the name of the book, but I remember reading the book and it was all about responsibility is power. And that morning I was like, oh my God, this is good.

This is so good. Yes. I get pulled over in a school zone going 19 miles an hour in the speed limit is 15 miles an hour. The cop stops me and I'm not kidding.

I got five tickets, cracked window, but just all the things, no insurance, all the things, five, five tickets. And I'll never forget. As soon as he drove off, I was so pissed. I was like, all of a sudden I started, I can't believe him.

It's maybe he's racist. I just started going through all the things of blaming, blaming, blaming. And I look over and there's the book and I'm like, girl, responsibility is power. Oh my God.

Okay. I can do this. It was a pivotal moment. I was like, I could do this.

I could take responsibility and it hurts so much, but I'm telling you that was a game changer in my life because it was right. I could have got that window fixed. I could, you know, all these things that I knew I should have done and I didn't do. Oh, because I don't have the money.

I could have had the money. I went and spent it on lattes and partying and things spent, you know, and I took the responsibility in that moment. And as soon as I took responsibility, I felt this, I felt all this power just come back to me and I immediately took care of all those five tickets. I'm not kidding.

Within one week. You go, girl, you go, girl. I apply. I applaud that.

And also though, it's true. Like I always talk like energy is a thing. It's living. It's always going on and it's going to work for us.

It's going to work against us. It's going to work for our finance, our finances. I'm like talking too fast. I'll slow down, you know, like, so it can work for us.

And the fact that like, we're bringing in more income because that energy flow is working for us or the opposite. Right. But then also like with you, you're like, okay, responsibilities, power. And yeah, I could have had all these things fixed and I didn't.

As soon as you stepped into that power, there it is. You're like a better version of yourself. It's amazing. And you're recognizing it and you're owning it.

Oh yeah. Another thing that we got to do. So tell me more about, tell me more about how you came to become an author. Like, what was it?

It's like, okay, now it's time. I got to inspire more. Sure. So, like I said, I didn't know what I was going to do with my life, but I didn't know I wanted to do something.

And somebody had, one of my friends had thrown out the idea. Well, right. Why don't you write funny stories about all these dates you go on? Cause I was a notorious cheater at the time and I owning it.

She's also, I was, and back in the day I was proud of it. Yeah. I was proud of it. Cause it, it highlighted, you know, so much fun and excitement in my life, but I didn't realize how much, how broken I was until I started writing the book.

And. I started writing all these dating stories and it was funny and I was about a hundred pages in and I thought, okay, I think I'm supposed to get an editor cause they'll help me clean it up. And I, I hired an editor out of New York at the time I was living in Arizona and she just started asking me questions about why do I think this way? Why did I have that habit?

Why did I think that was funny? The pain I was causing to not just these. Men, but also to myself, like why, where did that come from? So it made me start questioning myself and my habits and why I was doing what I was doing.

And that evolved into where, you know, how I went through my divorce and my grief that I was going through with my son being apart from him, being a mother who pays child support, you know, and then it went in deeper, my childhood. Yeah. And I started realizing that I was being raised by a single mom of five kids. The first time I seen a women's circle was in a domestic violence home, battered women's shelter.

And I started realizing all these things like, oh my gosh, cause I'm a woman's woman. I like to say, I grew up as a tomboy. I was always the, oh, I have more male friends. I get along with more men and really didn't own my femininity, but I was saying that, but I had four sisters or three sisters and we were constantly encircled and we were, we had each other's back.

We still have each other's back. And I understood women much more than I did men. So I had this front of masculinity and then behind the closed doors, I was like, I'm there for you, girl. I'm there for you, sister.

And a lot of that started with my mom. Yeah. You're like protecting. Absolutely.

Yeah. And that's what made me really discover who I was and took me on this journey of being this sexy, wild, free spirit that lived inside me and what that was, the journey it was taking me on from a child all the way to adulthood. Very interesting though, because it was essentially shushed and kind of, you weren't expressing that part of you. So once you gave yourself freedom to do it, which a lot of people do, you go clear the other direction.

Yeah. You're like, all right, so if this is where I was, I'm going to go completely opposite and just let's go all look at all these people that want me, look, I'm this like awesome woman, whatever. Let's just say you totally went extreme, which a lot of people did, but it's not out of being healthy. It's actually that painful part of you that's been suppressed is now coming out.

Oh yeah. The book. Sure. It was a therapy for me.

It was a discovering of myself. Yeah. And it also made me feel like I wrote it and I remember writing a few times. I can't be the only one who thinks like this.

I can't be the only one who feels this way. And I started realizing this is a message to go out to other women who may feel alone and may feel stuck and may feel scared and may feel like there was. So I wrote the book over five years and, and during those five years, there was a portion of that time where I was homeless living out of my car. And I thought, and I'm writing.

In my little tiny Chromebook in, in parks. And I just, I talk about the journey of being completely like broke yet rich because I had three jobs. I'm discovering I have a really bad problem with spending my relationship with money is really bad. So I'm writing this.

And as the years are going by, I'm like, Oh my gosh, this needs to be fixed. This needs to be fixed. How do I fix it? I'm a how girl.

Like. I've always loved self-improvement like you, Amy. And they'd see all these magical and beautiful words. Then I'd sit way in the back and go, but how, okay.

I'm hearing what you're saying. I'm smelling with the rock is cooking. But how do I do this? Yeah.

I think a lot of people can relate to that though. Right? You're like, okay, but you're there up on the stage with all of the Benjamins and the fancy suit. And it seems like you have it all together, but I'm trying down here.

What's going on? How come it's not landing for me. So I guess that would be my question for you is like, why do you think it wasn't landing for you? And how did you then move from that place to the next view where it started to land?

Sure. Well, definitely habits. I had a lot of bad habits and I had to come clean with myself. So the name of the book, Nothing Sexier Than Freedom, when I first started writing it, I wrote it under a pen name, Atali DeMora, which was my altered ego's name.

And I just started really dropping truth bombs in my book. I wanted to be 100%. You know, I talk about my jealousy. I had a really bad jealousy rage problem.

And I just started talking about all the things that I felt I was angry about. And I was, I felt I was comparing myself to, with other women and to be fully. Embraced in womanhood. My mom actually taught me this.

You got to stop comparing and jealousy is not going to allow you to fully express yourself amongst women. So I started to realize I needed to do that. I needed to really work on my jealousy. And so, yeah, in the book, I'm saying all the reasons why I'm jealous, all the reasons why I'm angry.

And towards the end of the book, it was time it was going into publishing. And I remember, thinking to be fully free, to be fully me, I'm going to not publish with my alter ego's name. I'm going to publish. I was hoping you're going to actually come to that conclusion.

I did. There's nothing more to lose. Nothing more to lose. If people Google me, there will be nothing that people can use against me.

Cause I'll say, yeah, it's out there. It's out there. There's nude pictures of me on the internet. Yeah.

It's out there. Like I'm not afraid anymore. I'm completely free and it feels good. Good.

It's that truth. And that's one thing that I do a lot with all of my clients is like, one of our fundamental things is teaching them how to step into that self-trust and authenticity, which I know we talk about, you know, everyone's talking about authenticity, but they're talking about it for a reason. They're talking about it because we've come so far away from it, especially with social media and then the people pleasing that's happening and us women feeling like how we have to compare ourselves. Why?

Like, why not? Why not? Why do we have to compare ourselves against other women? I don't feel like men do it hardly at all, but yet we do.

I mean, we know why we do because we are positioned as we're supposed to be beautiful. We're supposed to be loving. We're supposed to be nurturing. We're supposed to be all of these things, which feels impossible.

And somehow it always looks like other women are doing it better than us. Yeah. What if we like flipped it on the head? I love, I was like, so hoping that you were like, and I've published it with my name or I finally, I took it back.

So it's like, that's your power. It's like, we all have our journeys. We've been down different roads. And it's like, that is where we can rise together is showing that, yeah, we all have unique strengths and abilities, but they're different and they'll shine brighter if we use them.

And we all have pasts and some of them aren't very pretty. And that's okay. I mean, you grew up in the hood. Yeah.

That is difficult. I think when I think about why women can't be authentic with themselves and with, with each other and a lot where jealousy stems from it, it could be because we don't spend enough time in circle with each other. We attend yoga classes and I became a yoga instructor in 2015. And I remember having a class and we talk about energies and we talk about all of this unique and union unity stuff.

And I'll go in there and I'm like, I'm sharing my energy with everybody around me, but I have no idea who's around me. And that's when I started changing the way I teach. When I do my women's workshops, I make sure we all go around. We talk about who we are and get to know one each other's one of each other's energies.

I want to know who my sister is next to me. And I think it's important for us to constantly come together. And that's why I have, I don't, I do this on the side. It's not really part of my business anymore, but I do these women's circles.

So that way I can create space for that. Cause I know there's so many women out there who need that. Cause I know that I needed that. And that's why I'm here.

That's actually what healed me. Yeah. Being able to just speak. I actually was just on a call right before this, I was coaching and this beautiful woman, she's new to entrepreneurship and my gosh, she just has so much to offer.

And of course, you know, I see it. And that's one of my gifts is to be able to see and help women step into their like truer selves, et cetera. But she got really emotional on the call and she was apologizing for it. I'm like, that's what we do here.

This is fine. You know, like I'm helping her feel safe in the space. And she's like, Amy, because she feels different as an entrepreneur, which we do tick and breed a little, we're a little bit different, but she's like, I have, I don't know why I'm getting so emotional. And I'm like, you're emotional.

Cause I'm validating you and telling you that you can. And she was like, so, and then she, it just like the, it just came right. It just started flooding. And she's like, I have been in circles where I can't actually talk like this.

I can't actually say how much money I want to make or how, how hard it is that the burden is on me or how I'm making, you know, I'm the main breadwinner of the family. And that gets tough. And she just started actually sharing what was truly going on. She's like, I have never been able to have this conversation before.

And I just thought I was so grateful that she was able to have it. And she's able to release, release some of those emotions. But at the same time, I was just sad for her that she hasn't been able to. And she's, I need a new circle because people keep telling me I can't do this.

I was like, there's a lot of women that's going to tell you can, but yeah, being able to just create that space. So I love that you also are doing that for women, but women do need to be able to be heard and seen and know that it's okay. And that we can dream big. We can do big things.

There's nothing wrong with it. And when we do, we actually then just give more power to other women to then say if they can, then I can, it's a ripple effect is how I see it. Yeah. You know, with your friend, I'm so glad she's on the entrepreneur journey and that you're there for her.

Oh my gosh. The power that you've probably instilled in her and that you've bounced off to each other. Oh my God. I felt that beautiful, right?

Those spaces, but there needs, there does need to be more of them. And that's my point. You know, not that look what I did, but no, it was just, it wasn't, it was just creating a space for something that she needed to get out that she hasn't been able to. It's like, let's do more of that.

That's where the real work is, right? That's where the healing is. That's where the excitement is. Oh yeah.

I was telling a friend this the other day, everything we want, everything we desire is on obviously on the other side of fear, but it really is found within a relationship with someone's something. Yeah. Everything we want. And that's why networking is such a big deal for me.

I love networking because you just never know. You never know who's going to, you know, thrust you into where the journey is that you're supposed to be. Going towards whatever your heart really, truly desires. I mean, we can't, sometimes we can't see the big picture because we're so busy focused on the smaller, we think it's big.

We're like, okay, our goal is so big, but we're so narrowed in on it. Right. That we can't see the design that's happening around us for us. It's pretty wild.

Like in the forest, you can't see the big picture of the forest, right? Cause you're like in it. But the vast forest is humongous. If you take that, that out and see what's actually happening, you're creating waves.

So beautiful. So tell me where you're going now. You're debt-free you're into finance. Let's celebrate that.

Cause you struggled with money and you were living in your car and having three jobs. So, and now you're debt-free and your financial advisor is no, you call it, what do you call it? Financial strategist strategist. Okay.

That's yes. Financial strategist, which we all need. You're in the middle of writing a book. What's next on your journey?

How are you thriving? So, yes, my first book was self-published and it did take me five years. I was learning the industry. I was doing it all by myself.

And I used to run the business, sexy freedom, LLC. And that's when I lived in Arizona. And then I ended up traveling during 2020 and ended up here in Wyoming where I met the love of my life, my new husband. And I realized doing business out here was really different.

So I was ready to terminate my LLC, which was really hard for me. But again, identity, you're so attached to something that you say is you. And I remember thinking it's time to let it go. That is not me.

I am me. I create, I'm the master of my masterpiece. I can do this. And it was hard.

I remember I cried when I terminated because I worked so hard on that brand. But then there was this part of me, if I want to do it again, I can, it's okay. And the financial industry came to me actually by, I have these big goals and big visions and I want to align with it. Right.

But then I started realizing whatever I'm doing, am I doing something that's aligning with my vision? The answer was no, I wasn't aligned with it. I was trying to carry and do too much and then ask the universe or God, like, this is what I want. I want this huge, huge pile of gold, but yet every, all my, my actions were completely unaligned with that.

So that was part of the business. I used to coach women. Also, I was a public speaker since 2008. I would create all these speaking events.

I was doing retreats. I was doing everything because I was so excited about doing what I was doing, but it just wasn't aligned with where I saw my bigger vision. And I also realized I don't want to wear all these hats anymore. My new mantra, and it's different for everybody, but for me, I'm now 43 and I realized less is more simple is better.

And a lot of that came through the communication of grief. And I lost my mother when I lost my brother, when I lost my father, lost all my grandparents. And I just started realizing less is more happiness can come from grief. If I allow it to be watered and spring forward for me, but I have to really observe it.

know it's there. And I won't know it's there. If I'm clouded by all of these hats that I'm wearing, I'm not gonna be able to see the blessings around me because I'm carrying too many hats. It's time to clean house, you know?

And that's when I realized one of the big things that had to go was my sexy freedom business. Yeah. Again, it's just a new chapter. It's a new season.

It's a new, okay. Sometimes you got to slough it off and then rise up. Yeah. And you know, the way it feels, you know, when it's time to clean house, because the way you feel something just doesn't, it feels off.

You start to feel, I like to say, some people say, Oh, I don't feel like myself because there's, there's a lot of hoarding going on inside. You got a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff that needs to be let go of, give it away. It's okay. You're going to be fine.

Yeah. I actually love how you put that too. There's a lot of hoarding going on in there. We don't look at it like that, right?

Because we can't, physically see it, but it is what's happening. So beautiful. Okay. What's one last little bit of wisdom that you want to leave with our audience before we go?

I was like to hear one last thing before we end. Okay. One last thing is this. And just because I'm such an advocate of podcasting and writing your book, if you are somebody out there who wants to do podcasting or write your book, there's so many great reasons why to do these two things, but I'm going to tell you my reason.

That I think everybody should do something like this is because it's a memory vault. It's a memory vault and it's a legacy. It's something you can look back on and it's something you can leave for your future children and grandchildren. So think about that.

Yeah. You're getting me going. Okay. This has been this week.

I don't know what's happening this week, but every single person I've met with, like whether they're people I'm coaching, whatever, like I have had three books in the making. I've not finished any of them yet. And it's like, Amy, Amy, Amy, Amy, like everyone that I'm talking to. Well, okay.

I hear it. I hear it loud and clear time. It's time to finish one of those and get it out there. So thanks for that nudge.

And thanks for all of your, just like your energy and your, everything that you were able to share today. I really appreciate that. I'm sure it hit a lot of people's hearts. So thank you.

And with that guys, we will see you on another podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in. Bye-bye. Hey, if you enjoyed listening to this podcast, you've got to come check out my signature program, Thrive Her Academy.

This is where we do real coaching and inner work transformation. I teach you how to apply the strategies and mindset tools we talk about here on the podcast. So you can create that life and business that you love. For more information, go to www.

amysanders. co forward slash service. Again, that is amysanders. co forward slash services.